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SEN

Here you'll find advice from parents and teachers on special needs education.

Uncontrollable anger

2 replies

JustRubySeal · 03/12/2024 19:40

My DS is 9. I don't know if I am looking for advice or I just want to be listened too. He has just gone on the ASD and ADHD pathway for assessment. His older sister and dad both have a diagnosis for ADHD.

My DS has started having one to one sessions at school because of the problems we are having at home. Last week while he was having his session she picked up on the fact that he is hyper focused on numbers and working out equations. He's had a keen interest in Maths since being in reception, he also has other obsessions such as Minecraft, football and scratch. He can talk about any of these for hours on end, and it's sometimes really exhausting.

We are desperately trying to cut his screen time down due to the fact that he becomes really frustrated playing games. At the weekend we had a really good Saturday, he was the happiest I have seen him for a long time. We went out and played football together, we came home and he wanted to go out again (leaving the house is a big trigger also, so this was a massive win for us.). He woke up Sunday and was in a good mood, right up until it was time to brush his teeth and this set off a big meltdown of kicking screaming and him shouting that he didn't want to do it. He becomes really destructive when he gets angry, he will throw stuff pull his bedding off. It's just awful. This meltdown went on over an hour and he didn't get to sleep until gone 11 pm.
Due to the late night he refused to go to school and was very late, he's been late so many times this year we have already had a letter about it due to the attendance officer looking at the records.

I feel at such a loss because as his mum I want to help him but he is unable to explain how he feels, and he point blank refuses to talk about the outbursts of anger with any of us or anyone at school.

I feel at such a loss and today I just felt like I don't know what I am doing wrong because all I want is for him to be happy.

OP posts:
Fandangles · 05/01/2025 21:20

Hello @JustRubySeal I know this post is a month old now, but I came across it after scrolling through the SEN board for my own DS. Mine is 11 and sounds quite similar. We have just returned some assessment forms - I think he might have ADHD but I do wonder about ASD too. He has awful angry outbursts and can really cause damage in the house. I wanted to just say I know how utterly exhausting it is - totally agree you just want them to be happy.

we ended up going to see a clinical psychologist with the idea she would meet with our son. What happened though, was that me and DH saw her weekly and took examples of what had happened to the sessions and she sort of coached us as parents. It was incredibly helpful, we got lots of tailored advice but also a totally non judgemental listening ear. She really understood how hard it is. It’s all helped, but we are still in the thick of it.

Two books she recommended that informed how we relate to DS are “How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk” and “playful parenting”. Thought I’d share in case of use to you!

i really hope you get some support following the assessment. It’s so tough x

KnottyAuty · 11/01/2025 18:51

Probably too young but DBT group or therapy will help with this from the teen years. Also ADHD meds

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