DD trouble at College, can anyone relate? 🙏

[Altonbeck]

Please can anyone relate/ have any helpful suggestions?

DD, 17 late diagnosis of ADHD, ASD characteristics, anxiety plus as an adopted child all the early life trauma stuff too. Won’t take any medication such as ADHD meds.

Bright, did well at a selective school until year 9 but covid came along and her difficulties grew particularly with mental health and fell out with friends. Moved school for a fresh start in Yr 10 but that quickly fell apart too (although she did make some nice friends this time), she refused to attend school and so in year 11, we paid tutors to come to our home and she sat a reduced number of GCSE exams at home and passed enough for sixth form college.

She started an equine course this Sept but felt it didn’t stretch her and three weeks in she switched to a-levels at another college. We are now getting emails from the college because she skips lessons is behind on the work (due to her late start) doesn’t turn up for catch up sessions, doesn’t keep her folder notes up to date etc etc. She seems very chilled out about this and doesn’t think she will be thrown off the course, but we know she will, we have already had to go in for a meeting. She is happy at college, making friends and catching up socially on all she’s missed the last few years.

One issue is that she finds (and always has done) navigating her way to different rooms challenging, especially if there’s a room change or if she’s a minute late and the door is shut. In that situation she cannot face going in.

We have another meeting with college coming up to discuss what support they could provide to her in an ideal world. They have already said that they wonder if she is really in the right place. I’m not sure what I can ask them for, in my ideal world there would be a fellow student doing all the same lessons as my DD who would stick to her like glue and make sure she was where she needed to be at the correct time. Obviously that’s not going to happen!

Any suggestions greatly appreciated.

What support is DD already receiving? Both in college and outside of college? Does she have an EHCP? Is she taking any medication?

The college could provide a mentor to help with organisation. If they have the staff, and they may not if DD doesn’t have an EHCP, they could provide a member of staff to help with movement between rooms. Do they have anyone who offers counselling? Do they run a peer mentoring programme? Can they not shut the room door until DD arrives? Can they support DD with using some assistive technology?

Is she open to you helping her out organise her notes and folders?

Thank you for responding.
She won’t take meds and isn’t open to any help from us unfortunately but we never stop trying!
Last school weren’t interested in starting the EHCP process so I did it myself. Unfortunately we have ended up with a draft that is incorrect and according to ‘someone in the know’ makes DD sound like she has really high needs and is not at all academic, which isn’t the case. The process was such a mess and I’ve backed away from it now as I’m afraid it will do more harm than good.
Its her lack of being unable to find rooms or go in on her own that I find really puzzling, I just wonder if anyone else has a child the same?

So does DD have a finalised EHCP now? If the LA has finalised you appeal it? If not, when was it finalised? If the LA hasn’t finalised, when did you receive the draft and what week of the EHCP process are you on? The EHCP is the route to getting more support.

being unable to find rooms or go in on her own that I find really puzzling

Both are more common than you imagine. The latter can be a sign of anxiety and social interaction difficulties. The former can be the equivalent of struggling with reading a map or following directions to somewhere.

I can relate

My DD is adopted, late diagnosis of dyslexia, some ASD traits, missed all y11 due to anxiety & depression, is taking a slow route through college.
She got an EHCP at the start of y12 which isn't very accurate but opened doors for extra support and flexibility from her (agricultural) college. She is 'y15' equivalent now which is only possible because of the EHCP.

You could/should fight for an accurate EHCP.

Or if you can't face that you could try just listing out in a table her issues and the support you think would help. For example folder notes could be easily resolved by a visit to learning support weekly to help her get them in order. Then go to college and see what they will do even with an inaccurate EHCP.

She can have 3 years in 6th form even without an EHCP, so you could investigate options around restarting y12 in September.

Thank you 🙏
DD is adamant that she doesn’t need an EHCP so I don’t think we will be able to resurrect it even if we thought it best for her.
I am really struggling to determine if she is a traumatised, neurodiverse child who really needs help or one who is going through an extremely awful teenage stage and willfully not putting any effort in at all with college.
Second morning this week of us running her into college because she would otherwise miss her bus and then miss yet another lesson. The thing is her whole demeanour is extremely “I just don’t care” and that college will always be there!🤷‍♀️ She is also unbelievably rude to us and has been for years unless she wants something of course. She can be delightful to others, her boyfriends parents must think we are awful parents I’m sure she probably bad mouths us 😢 I feel very hurt by her as we have tried so hard to advocate and fix her issues over the years.