Forced home ed grief

[celeryleaf]

I've had to home ed my PDA son. He's doing well after being off-rolled by his independent school at age 5. There are no suitable state school places. We are waiting for his ehcp but I don't expect there to be a sen place that fits him either. I'm grieving my old life. I don't get out alone, I can't go to the gym, I can't do my hobbies, go shopping or meet my friends. My husband works long hours to support us (I miss work too) which leaves me mostly 24/7 mum & teacher. I have a little help but the clock is on to do chores until they go. I don't fit in with any home ed families yet although I'm trying loads of groups, my son loves a couple but I feel out of place. I didn't want to be a home ed mum but it's the best (only) option for my son who is thriving for a PDA child. It's at my expense though and I'm sad, lonely and grieving my life. Anyone else the same?

If you don’t want to EHE, you don’t have to.

You could look at EOTAS/EOTIS via an EHCP (is the LA sticking to the statutory timescales?). And in the meantime, request the LA provides s19 provision.

I'm looking at eotas, but that's just money right? It still home ed?

No, EOTAS isn’t just money. And it isn’t EHE.

Some packages are delivered in the home and some aren’t. They don’t have to be. It depends on the child’s needs and what works for them. And parents cannot be compelled to deliver, facilitate or organise provision in EHCPs.

I don't understand what this looks like? I know people can get swimming, horse riding etc but I'll have to take him and facilitate? I can barely get childcare to cope/cover fur a few hours because it's so much effort and hard work as opposed to 'fun', no educator is able to manage so it's all on me.

The ehcp is on schedule so far and I've a great lawyer on stand by.

You do not have to take DS or facilitate the provision in an EOTAS package. It isn’t EHE. You are not responsible for the provision. The LA must fund professionals to do that - they can do that even if DS’s needs are complex.

EOTAS packages are bespoke to the individual. It depends on the individual child’s needs and their interests. The possibilities are endless.

Some examples of what it can include are:
Tuition - at home, online, in the community (e.g. library, community centre, church hall…), at an AP, at a tuition centre, at a building the LA pay for… And it doesn’t have to be transitional academic tuition. It depends on the individual’s needs.
Therapies - SALT, OT, animal-assisted therapy, art therapy, rebound therapy…
Sports/exercise - such as swimming, tennis, gym, riding, personal trainer, judo, skiing…
Other activities such as drama/music/cooking/chess/coding clubs/lessons.
Mentoring - online (such as Mindjam) or in person.
Accessing the community - e.g. museum, cafe, workshops, sensory room, soft play…
Alternative provision, e.g. a care farm, forest school, gaming AP, outward bounds AP…
Then equipment/resources and memberships/subscriptions. Not forgetting professional time.

Whilst waiting for the EHCP, if you don’t want the EHE, you can request, and enforce in necessary, section 19 provision.

I'm doing and paying for all (or very similar) of the above. Sendas said I will have to pay as we were paying for private education. When we were I was free to earn!

SENDIASS is incorrect. That is not the law. The duty under section 19 of The Education Act 1996 applies to all compulsory school aged pupils. However, if you continue to EHE the LA doesn’t have a duty to provide provision because they will see you as making suitable alternative arrangements thereby relieving them of their duty.

Unfortunately, it isn’t unusual for SENDIASS to give incorrect advice. They receive LA funding so will ultimately toe the party line. IPSEA and SOSSEN are better sources of information.

It would be impossible for the vast, vast majority of people to privately fund the support in a good, comprehensive EOTAS package. A good package will cost 10s of thousands a year. Many cost well in excess of £100k pa. Some more than £200k pa. I suspect an EOTAS package could still provide far more support than you are getting at the moment. Not least in terms of professional time.

Thank you, I'm spending thousands currently, more in blood and sweat. My nanny options are limited as he is smarter than most and a real Dennis the Menace and often tricks them despite being only 5! He is gifted. I'll look at the above places you have mentioned. My EP suggestions seem so far out the park I know no school will currently fit them. I'll research more on eotas. He sure is a special child. I have NT children who went through private education successfully but my youngest is another level.

I totally understand your situation OP. My son has come on in leaps and bounds since starting EOTAS in Y8. It's a lonely journey but I must say that it has been worth it for us. The fight was soul-destroying and I couldn't have done it alone but it sounds like you're starting out with legal help so that's amazing. There are specialist schools that will consider kids with PDA so don't give up hope on that front just yet! If you give your county or area maybe someone can help with that?

Thank you @ADifferentPathAuDHD, how do you get a break? I'll look further into things. I've looked at school options and there are some for the future but too far away to consider without moving and a move would be substantial and a massive risk on it working. Ideally I guess an eotas package working at leading to school when he's older would suit.