First Parents Evening & Concerns

[kurotora]

Tomorrow is our first Reception parents’ evening for our DD who is 4y5m. She is awaiting autism diagnosis, which we are almost at the end of despite no help from the school. Their school questionnaire just ticked fine for everything - she’d been there 5 weeks - but thankfully her nursery SENCO gave lots of detailed information about her 2 years with them.

In preparation for tomorrow we have received her first report card.

Upon looking at it, I am concerned that the “personal targets” are copy paste and don’t reflect DD at all. She is able to do all the things that it says she needs to work on, yet they claim she is able to express herself to adults well. Things like counting to 10, when she can count to 100, and learning letter sounds, which she knows. It is contradictory, saying in one sentence that she listens very well during carpet time, and in another that she “sometimes listens well during carpet time but is prone to distractions”.

We have recently had an appointment with school precisely because she was not able to express herself and was having repeated toilet accidents/being sent home wet since half term to the point of a severe rash. We had tried to inform them of her issues around low bodily awareness and having trouble communicating before, but had been told “it’s fine”, then they claimed they were not informed.

I feel like the teacher just isn’t paying much attention to her at all or knowing her much at all. Everything seems to be “it’s fine”, even when she is struggling.

How can we best approach things at parents evening? I’m quite disappointed, we had a great relationship with her nursery and we are very school-positive parents.

So as not to drip feed: this is the class teacher’s first experience of early years, she had previously only taught years 5 and 6. I’m not sure how that will affect things but there are a number of complaints from other parents.

The school reports are a bit pointless sometimes as the teachers only have the options to say "working towards" or "meeting" expected age related expectations. My DS4 knows his 2x, 3x, 4x, 5x, 10x tables and can do extraordinary maths questions in his head (suspected autism too) but his report just says "meeting expectations" towards recognising number bonds to 5. He is also reading fluidly and his target is to recognise and use phonics 🙄

I spoke to my son's teacher and asked that he was benchmarked for reading so he can skip the phonics levels. She did and he now comes home with 2 books - 1 is a proper reading book and the other is the phonics book which she said they have to keep sending home because they have to show they have ticked all the boxes.

The teachers know the limitations of the reports and the point of the parents evening is to discuss things more thoroughly. Ask the teacher if there are any other strategies she is trialling for your daughter regarding the toilet issue. Does she remind all children to go to the toilet before break/after lunch? Can the teacher/TA prompt your daughter to go? It might just be that she is caught up in what she is doing and leaving things too late. Could your daughter have a fidget toy or a teddy to cuddle while sitting on the carpet to help her sit longer?
If you have no concerns about your daughter academically, use the meeting to discuss her social skills, emotional regulation, personal skills etc. And what you and her teacher can do to best support her.

Reports often include C&P statements.

Do you know if DD is definitely displaying her ability in school? Sometimes DC will be able to e.g. count to 10 at home but not demonstrate that in school.

When you met with the school recently, was it with the SENCO? If not, request a meeting with them. Does DD have an IEP/Support plan/one page profile (whatever the school calls their SEN support plans)? If not, request they put one in place. If one is already in place, what does it include? Things like prompting to use the toilet can be included in there. If DD struggles with speaking to the teacher, could you try a card she could point to/hand to the teacher to ask to go to the toilet?

In the end, it turned out we got 5 minutes before a bell was sounded and the next appointments were sent in. Not much time to hear anything beyond yes, they used generic statements because they don’t know the kids yet. An admission that DD didn’t talk or communicate much when the report was created (at the start of term?). That DD often won’t eat because she will pick what her one friend picks even if she doesn’t like it (they’d told me her eating was fine). It boggles my mind that they admit this but put on her autism questionnaire that everything was fine, very capable communication. 🙄

5 mins is completely normal. If you feel longer is needed, you need to request a meeting outside of parents’ evening. Parents’ evenings aren’t designed for in-depth discussions about concerns.

Can you go through the lunch menu with DD to pick her choices? Or send a packed lunch?