Meeting with SENCO

[CatLady1987]

Hi all

I’d appreciate any thoughts on this, please. DC is in year 1, he’s an August baby so turned 5 two months ago. Since starting year 1, he’s been involved in two incidents. One involved hitting a child in the stomach and the second in the face. I was fairly confident the first was a misunderstanding or possibly done in play as he’s usually very placid and is always mindful of smaller children and very reserved in a lot of social interactions with other kids. The boys at school do tend to engage in a lot of rough and tumble play. The second time was in play, he tells me that the other child asked him to chase him and to hit him so he did. He admitted the second incident readily, whereas he vehemently denied the first.

Reception was a great year, he did well, progressed far above the level expected and his teacher had no concerns, there was no hitting or behavioural issues whatsoever. I asked about friendship groups and he had a small group of friends and the teacher said he was doing brilliantly.

Since starting year 1 a mere 6 weeks ago, it feels like that’s all come undone.

He’s always been a sensory child (likes firm hugs, fluffy blankets etc), but it hasn’t impacted school until now and we’ve adapted at home. I’ve always embraced it as part of his personality and nothing negative has come from it before. His teacher tells me he hums in class and has been picking at the carpet. These two things in and of themselves don’t seem major to me, but clearly school feels like it warrants a meeting (I’m fairly certain they wanted a meeting on this basis alone.

He was sent to the ‘behaviour room’ every playtime for a week following the first incident.

I am a bit frustrated because DC tells me he’s been hit before and the teachers said “they’d keep an eye on it” but I’ve never formally been told of any incidents. I feel like it’s so hard to advocate for a child when you’re not there for them. It doesn’t help that the information always comes second hand; his teacher and the TA didn’t witness either of these events. He’s written an apology letter to the victim of the second incident as the child involved in the first retaliated and hit him back.

The teacher wants to discuss things with me and has copied in their SENCO to the email, requesting a meeting. She doesn’t think either of the hitting incidents were meant aggressively.

Am I wrong to be fearful for his future? I don’t want him to be hitting other children or hurting them. How can I support him?

Does anyone have any advice, please? I just DC is struggling with friendship groups this year and perhaps his behaviour is reflective of that. He’s the younger end of the year, which is tough but reception went so well, I was confident I’d made the right choice in him starting school so soon after turning 4.

This wafffle probably makes no sense, I just feel like a shit parent and I want him to be happy.

Thank you

What support is the school providing?

What have they trialed to meet DS’s sensory needs? Humming could well be disruptive to the class, but the school should be looking at why DS is doing that and what else can meet DS’s sensory needs rather than from a punishment angle.

What support are they providing at break time and lunchtime? If DS is struggling to navigate play, they need to provide more support during this time, not just sending him to the ‘behaviour room.’ Removing DS’s break time is unlikely to help DS’s presentation in the classroom. Do they have anyone who can support Zones of Regulation work? Do they have a nurture group? Do they have anyone who delivers Lego therapy?

Does/can DS know to tell staff if he is hit?

Thank you for your reply. These are all good questions and ones I will ask when I meet with them. The sensory stuff they said they were just monitoring but I think the hitting incidents have pushed their review forward.

The whole picture needs looking at. DS not having his sensory needs met may be connected to the hitting. Not having his sensory needs met could be leading to dysregulation.

Thank you. I agree. I think the jump from reception where the structure involved more play and less rigid lessons has maybe highlighted this to them. My DC tells me his teacher tells him to stop humming in lessons. This oh so kind teacher. They have such little knowledge of early years development and he’s only just turned 5. Apparently there’s now a long list of things he does in lessons, including not listening and having to be directly addressed. Their SENCO has performed informal walks and has also picked up on these behaviours. Do they have some kind of scheme to pick kids with ND out? I wasn’t even given the option to say no to the SENCO meeting as she was just copied into the email. I hate how authoritarian it all is.

The school involving the SENCO is a positive step. By all means refuse to meet her if you don’t want to, but you can’t refuse her involvement.