3 yo being referred - need support

[TenLittleLadybirds]

Hi folks,

3 yo DS is being referred by his nursery for possible ASD. He has always seemed different to his peers at the playground and toddler groups but to see the report/referral from nursery was really upsetting- it sounds like he’s very disruptive there and it all sounded very negative.

He’s a happy, very loving boy and is very interested in other children but doesn’t know how to interact at all. Also rigid and very much wants to do everything on his terms and his agenda.

my husband works extremely long hours and isn’t much of a soundboard other than “let’s see what happens”. we’re both from very high achieving families (I’m sure there is ND on both sides) and I’m certain there is undiagnosed ASD in both my dad and myself - I have always felt extremely different/alien to everyone else and found things difficult that others don’t. It has really impacted my self esteem all my life. I think Im finding the suggestion that my son has ASD (even though I agree deep down) is very triggering because I know how hard I have found life as ‘different to the norm’. I know this is not about me though and I need to focus on getting him support

i have no friends (I’m ok with this normally as I’m an introvert) but of course it means I have no one to relate to with this…

my question to the mumsnet community is: what podcasts/ books/ websites/ resources have you found helpful to help support your child and yourself through diagnosis and early childhood?

I’m in Warwickshire if anyone knows of any local services/support networks. It all feels a bit of a minefield right now.

Thank you 💐

@TenLittleLadybirds I'm really sorry to hear that you’re going through this difficult time. It sounds like a lot to process. Here are a few things that might be helpful for you to consider in order to support your son (if you need specific links PM as I don't know if it's allowed to share them on here. I recommend that you start your own research so that your findings are not biased by others' opinions, especially if you plan to go through an assessment. This way, you can formulate your own questions and be well-prepare before talking with professionals):

• sensory approaches: to help your child self-regulating when overwhelmed
• communication strategies: discover how your child communicates. Is he a visual communicator? Does he prefer familiar key words? Does he express himself using body language?
• learning method: ask yourself, "How does my child understand and process new information?" Does he learn by following instructions, through hands-on activities, or by observing?
• eating habits: nutrition has been shown to affect behaviour, particularly in relation to hyperactivity and emotional outbursts. Excessive consumption of sugary and processed foods can negatively impact behaviour.
• sensory activities: there are many activities to help your child achieve body-mind balance. Consider deep breathing exercises, yoga for kids, or relaxation techniques.

Remember, you’re not alone, and there are many resources available to help both you and your son on this journey. Don't hesitate to get in touch if you have any questions or thoughts. Hope this helps.

Thank you so much for your detailed and considered response - I’ll look into everything you’ve suggested. Particularly interested in nutrition as I know he eats too much processed sugar (as do I!) , I could definitely work to improve this.

As well as a referral for an ASD assessment, think about whether direct referrals to SALT and OT (Warwickshire doesn’t routinely offer sensory OT on the NHS, but OT can help with other things) would help.

For education, if you are in England, it will be helpful to read IPSEA and SOSSEN’s websites and the SENCOP to learn about the system. If you aren’t in England but another UK nation, if you post which one I will signpost you to similar material. What support is the nursery providing?

For sensory needs, some people find this booklet and the ideas on this website helpful. It can help to look at getting some sensory toys/equipment &/or a trampoline. Particularly as DS gets older, you may find the Out of Sync Child book helpful.

Home Start may be able to support you.

Have a look at Warwickshire’s local offer. Messy Beanz sessions are good. Roots the Branches run a monthly support group. There’s other groups and sessions too.

Just wanted to add that reports are horrible reading but nursery will have mentioned the negatives/delays because that's what justifies the referral. It's not a rounded picture of your DS.

Does Warwickshire run the NAS Early Bird course? I found it useful and it also gave me a group of mums to connect with in similar boats.

It's ok to feel sad and worried about future struggles but your son's path will not necessarily be like your own. My DH is ND and though there are similarities with our son's struggles and strengths, he feels people are a lot more understanding and supportive than when he was a child.

I would also ask what nursery are doing to help him now? Does he have sensory breaks, a visual timetable, access to ear defenders, extra help with understanding emotions? Does he have an individual learning plan?

@TenLittleLadybirds You're very welcome! It's great to hear that you're interested in improving your son's nutrition, particularly regarding processed sugar. Reducing sugar intake can have significant benefits for both physical and mental health. If you're going down that route check out "Fun with food" (it's a strategy to help children approach new foods and textures). And if you have any specific questions or need further information, feel free to ask.