How to help young child - adhd

[Verydesperatemother]

I am quite certain my DS has ADHD, however I am aware that this is not the sort of diagnosis given out (legitimately) at his young age - 3.5 yo. I am going to press nursery/HV to support me in a referral, but until those wheels start turning, and I know that could be ages, I am really struggling and need advice.

For those of you with an older child with ADHD what sorts of things can I be doing myself at home (activities, equipment, Instagram recommendations, general life tips!)? And would it be worthwhile to seek (private) external support (i.e. an OT)? Not for diagnostic purposes but just to provide intervention/support.

Might be helpful to state what our issues are: impulsivity, zero concentration, zoning out, incredibly poor emotional regulation even accounting for young age, explosive anger (I bear the brunt mostly but not exclusively), 'anxiety' around attending nursery, and very low emotional resilience (a colouring-in session is fraught because he will either refuse to engage for fear of getting it 'wrong' - his words - and if he tries any errors are met with incredibly OTT reactions, ditto board games etc). Of course he has many lovely qualities but they are being drowned out by his difficulties and yes, as I say - am really struggling

@Verydesperatemother It sounds like you are navigating a very difficult situation. Some strategies and resources you might find helpful as you work through this, include (e.g. emotional regulation - techniques to help with expression of feelings; the use of visuals to help in establishing routines and facilitating transitions; calming strategies to teach your child techniques to cope when feeling overwhelmed; positive behaviour reinforcement techniques to manage challenging behaviour and encourage positive ones). If you'd like more details, I have links to additional resources, but I'm unsure if it's allowed to share it here. If you're interested, please feel free to PM me.
Seeking Professional Support:
There are plenty of resources and approaches available that can support your child in various areas. In my opinion, holistic approaches can be particularly beneficial, as they take into account different aspects such as nutrition, emotional well-being, communication, sleeping patterns, and more.
I hope these suggestions are useful as you begin this process. If there’s anything you’d like to talk further, please don’t hesitate to reach out.
Wishing you and your son strength and support.

@VoiceinPics what a kind and helpful reply, thank you, I'm so grateful. Would appreciate links to resources so will PM you if that's okay. Thanks again

Definitely speak to nursery. As well or instead of the HV you can also speak to the GP. Not all areas will refer for an ADHD assessment at 3. If there are concerns about DS’s development though you could request a referral to community paeds for a more general assessment.

What support is the nursery providing? For example, do they have anyone who can support Zones of Regulation work? If they need more advice to support DS, have they asked the Area SENCO for advice?

Some people find this booklet helpful. Many find sensory equipment, trampoline &/or a punch bag helps with regulation. Some people find the books The Explosive Child and the Out of Sync Child useful. Not all will apply at this age but they are worth a read. Others find Yvonne Newbold’s resources good.

@EndlessLight thank you, thank you. I might have to try GP as have sat down with nursery senco before only to be told that they don't consider it to be beyond the bounds of 'normal', although admittedly things have intensified since then. I believe they make adjustments for him in the way that they speak to him, give him little jobs to do, allow him to sit in the office sometimes etc. I pointed out that those things, in my mind, indicate 'something' that isn't required for other children but it's falling on deaf ears. I think this is the first series of exchanges I've had with anyone who haven't dismissed or ignored me..I know that's only really possible due to the anonymity of Mumsnet, but still thank you for not making me feel insane

Before you speak to the HV/GP, you could complete the Ages and Stages questionnaires.

@EndlessLight yes that's a good point, thank you, definitely worth circling back to those as am likely to give different answers now than I did 12+ months ago!

Try googling "sensory circuits" as something you could implement at home at the start of the day.

@LimeSqueezer this is perfect, thank you. I have just had the absolute morning from hell getting him to nursery, even the most minor improvement would be life-changing right now!! Thanks all for you ideas and suggestions, feeling a bit less alone today

It would also be different questionnaires than 12 months ago too since DS is older.