Feel like im the only one who sees it - suspect asd/adhd 5 yo ds

[DaisyChain234]

My 5 yo ds has been showing some challenging behaviour recently, and im considering asking school to refer for assessment but i just feel like they dont see what i see. My ds is a summer born, in year 1 but i feel emotionally behind his peers. Over the past 6 months, especially in the summer holidays we ( me, partner and grandparents) witnessed epic meltdowns over noise sensitivity and being in busy, stimulating places ( e.g lego land), to the point where we got ear defenders but still it was too much for my son. He showed anxiety all summer about going to school assembly, he had some tough ones the prior year at school. He is quite sensory averse, hates water near his head ( swimming / hair washing) , certain clothes, certain shoes etc. He has stimming behaviours such as "mouthing" words with no sound, stroking, feet pushing, swaying, spinning. He enjoys crashing a lot, and spends a lot of time jumping to crash into sofa / mattess etc. he is always on the move, will squirm and fidget if seated, has emotional outburts and explosive tantrums, a bit of anxiety and is scared to visit toilet alone, refuses to dress himself, struggles with taking basic instruction sometimes. He suffers separation anxiety still from me, sleeps poorly too. i spoke with the teacher when he first went back, explained the above and asked her to see if she saw anything at school. The first couple weeks, amazingly to me, he did so well at assembly( happy to to into school, his meldowns, stimming and sensory seeking seemed to lessen, but now he has been back a few weeks, its heightened again and im struggling with it. It toom 40 mins to get him to school today ( 5 min walk) and had to get a teacher to take him off me, he tried to run away, clung on to me etc. i spent all day worrying and end of dag teacher just said all was fine! I feel like im the only one seeing these as signs of neurodivergence and if i request assessment , it will be dismissed as nothing is visable at school. I have other children ( younger) but do not see the same traits in them, but maybe as he is my eldest im looking into things too much? I dont want to make a big deal out of nothing, as he is doing well at school, there are no problems academically or behaviour wise at school, but i am really at a loss of how to help him regulate at home.

Hi, I have similar with my boy who has also just started year 1 (late spring born)...except school recognised behaviour and set up a elp. It helped a lot, he had his own table with sensory items on it which he can go to when he wants and can hold fidget toys in assembly with ear defenders. He also has a chew buddy. The reason teachers say he is 'fine' may be due to him 'masking and fawning' at school which is exhausting for the kids and anxiety inducing. It may be why the teachers etc don't recognise it...at the end of the day you're living with it, definitely trust your gut and instincts with the neuro divergence. School put forward for an assessment but when we did our part the hospital said they didn't think he qualified for that pathway as a 5yo, we'd have to wait till he was 6 and could still take a long time. I sought advice and a lot of the behaviours are linked to anxiety related to senses. If you're UK, check out "Right To Choose" for an approved assessment. If you go for a ADHD assessment you still have to go via Dr but have to agree who funds any meds that might come out of it. Autism assessments are more straight forward because of no meds, and so no arguement about who pays for them. Irrespective of the outcome of any assessment which could take a while, you need support today, tomorrow. The school should support you with a plan, it will hopefully reduce his anxiety, and doesn't have to be complicated or forever...could just be for this difficult age where he's learning how to regulate his emotions and understand the routine of school etc. I found all the summer sports days and summer events etc last term did not help in the slightest...worth keeping a mental note of any changes of routine that may interrupt the status quo. Trust yourself, and get the help before an assessment outcome. Good luck :)

With what you have said I would support him as if he is autistic, and pursue an assessment.

Read up about everything you can.

An assessment can take years so get the ball rolling now. I my area this meant speaking to the GP. I told the receptionist what I wanted to speak to the GP about and they arranged a phone call whilst DS was at school. A referral was made as a result of that phone call. Take a list of all the things that are causing you concern with examples. You could even capture video of the stimming. The process may be different where you are, but that would be a start. It might be via the speech and language service. They usually have drop in clinics you can take kids to. Don’t worry if his speech is fine, you can still go.

If the school don’t see it don’t assume that means he doesn’t have autism. He may be masking at school, they may have so many kids and so few eyes that they haven’t yet seen enough pieces of the puzzle, especially if he’s doing okay academically. Some kids get well into their teens without it being picked up. Arrange a meeting with the SENCo and tell them of yours concerns. Make it clear you are concerned enough you have seen the GP/got a referral. Good luck!

Request a meeting with SENCO. The school needs to be providing more support. There's lots they could offer. Also speak to the GP.

Can DS communicate why he finds school stressful?

Appearing to cope at school and exploding at home isn’t rare. It is called the coke bottle effect. If school was easier, home life would improve too.

Some people find the books The Explosive Child and the Out of Sync Child helpful. Others find PDA strategies and Yvonne Newbold’s resources useful. Do you have any sensory equipment, a trampoline or a punchbag at home?

He says school is "fine" but i cant get much more out of him. Good things happen and he will tell me what was good, but sometimes it is like talking to brick wall. No, we dont have any equipment but i was thinking of a crash pad. He loves jumping onto mattress or from sofa to sofa. He does enjoy a fidget popit, so maybe need to stock up on more things like this. When i spoke to my HV about it all, she said a request for assement carries more weight from school rather than GP, so ill try SENCO first then GP .

I would try a trampoline if DS likes to jump. If you don’t have space for one outdoors, you could look at a mini indoor one.