Feeling overwhelmed and unsure how to cope

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Hi, we have 3 children the youngest is dd7 and I find her quite challenging at times. School say she has issues such as poor concentration and focus. She also has issues falling asleep. School won’t say what they think is the issue but I’m guessing possible ADHD. I’ve seen our GP but she won’t prescribe melatonin. We’ve been on a social services sleep workshop which was excellent but hasn’t resulted in her going to sleep at a good time. 10 o clock her dropping off is a good night. This means DH and myself get zero time together so affects our relationship. The main problem for me is her strong willed personality. Dd1 is strong willed too but has nothing on dd2!
School is going through an application for EHCP and also applying though local council for a neurodiversity test. It seems to be taking forever.
For info, the school said we needed to really emphasise her behaviour in any contact we have with the ehcp to help their case in getting the extra funding.
I find it upsetting at parents evening as the teacher is very critical of her so DH went on his own to the last one. It sometimes feels like the don’t like her or teaching her as she generally needs to be asked several times before doing lots of things.

After reading this back I realise I need to ‘mum up’ a bit I struggle with it all sometimes!

Any tips from anyone with similar issues?

Has DD2 been referred for assessment for ADHD (this would be via the NHS rather than LA)? If not, request that. You can also request a referral to a sleep clinic (or a referral to community paeds or CAMHS may be quicker).

Some people buy melatonin if you wanted to do that. Some buy Promethazine as well/instead. It is an antihistamine but is used for sleep difficulties too. You would have to lie to buy it because it isn’t licensed for use in sleep difficulties in children other than for insomnia associated with urticaria and pruritus.

Has an EHCNA request actually been submitted to the LA? What support is the school providing in the meantime?

Thanks Endlesslight.
In our county, our GP told me that ADHD testing is not done through the NHS but through the school and our LA.The school have applied earlier this year, the first application was rejected due to a ‘clerical error’ I know our LA are overloaded and over stretched so understand it can take a while.
Her school are pretty hot on SEND children. She has some one to one help completing her work, the EHCP, if approved would go towards a TA’s salary I’ve been told so think it is needed. Shes recently been going to a ‘nurture club’ at the school, this seems to be to help with social skills and understanding their emotions. She’s definitely getting more help than an ‘average’ pupil.
Im hesitant to buy melatonin that’s not been prescribed if I’m honest, as I’m unsure what we’d be actually giving her.
Our GP did prescribe an antihistamine but is this a long term solution?
I just feel out of my depth as just want what’s best for her.
Ill look into the Promethazine for her as I’ve used it myself for short term sleep issues…yes I’m perimenopausal myself but that’s another story!

Some people take antihistamines such as Promethazine or Alimemazine* *long term to aid sleep.
It is very unusual for ADHD (or any medical diagnosis) to be done via the council even if the referral comes from the school.

What other support is the school currently providing? Other than the nurture group are they providing any other support with emotional regulation? Do they have anyone who can support Zones of Regulation work? Have they tried a laptop and assistive technology? Do they have anyone who can do drawing and talking interventions? Lego therapy?

An EHCP would only fund TA support (1:1 &/or a (quantified) small group) if such provision was in the EHCP. Not all do.

Has an EHCNA request actually been submitted to the LA yet?

How is DD’s eating?

Apply for DLA if you haven’t already.

Totally agree that ADHD should be diagnosed by an NHS clinician but for Shropshire it’s seemingly done from a school referral and not GP, I know it doesn’t seem right to me either.

Yes the EHCP application is in progress.

Ill ask at the school about the other things such as talking interventions as they’ve not been mentioned as yet.

She eats a reasonably healthy diet (does have a sweet tooth that we try to control) she is reluctant to try different food but her brother was the same so not overly concerned about fussy eating. Can picky eating be a symptom of neurodivergence?

You’re very knowledgeable so thanks for spending the time replying 😀

I know the EHCP application is in progress, but has an EHCNA request actually been submitted to the LA? Sometimes schools say they are applying and it takes them weeks/months/terms to actually submit the request. You need to know if it has actually been submitted.

Sensory needs related to eating can be linked to ND. Sometimes that can negatively affect behaviour too, e.g. if DC are hungry but struggle to eat or are deficient in certain vitamins,

If you come under the area for BeeU, it is actually an NHS commissioned service. Although schools can refer (as can health professionals).

To address one thing from your OP - we also have an 8yo who often doesn't go to bed until late due to ASD and possible ADHD. He will stay in his bed reading from about 8.30pm on a good day

Is that something to work towards?

We read to her once she’s in bed. She does various things after we leave her: listening to her Toni, reading a book herself, lying in bed telling herself stories. She says herself that she has ‘lots of thoughts going round her head’ it’s as if her brain can’t switch off. Once she’s tired she self settles ok and sleeps all night. If DH stays in the room next door he can intercept her if she tries to come downstairs.
Im not sure if this is an indication of a ND but she dropped her afternoon nap at a very young age, around 12-18 months.
The other consideration is her dad is a definite night owl, we just thought she took after him not getting tired until later on.

She sounds like my child. I am exhausted too! Also going through the processes you describe - sending you virtual support!

👋 thanks and sending virtual support to you too 🤗 You don’t feel so stranded when you know someone else has a similar situation!
By chance, I met dd’s new school teacher yesterday for the first time. She seems the motherly caring type which definitely suits dd better and she knew that the EHCP has been applied for, so all good at present on that front.

If an EHCNA request has been submitted to the LA, is the LA sticking to the statutory timescales? They often try to get away with not doing so.

Our LA are currently overwhelmed with applications and are rejecting many on the slightest technicality. I’ll chase it up with the school to see what’s happening.

The LA being overwhelmed doesn’t change the law. Not in relation to the statutory timescales and not in relation to the legal test for an EHCNA. Despite what LA and some schools want parents to believe. If an EHCNA request has been submitted to the LA you should know when that was. It is important you know when the EHCNA request was submitted so you know when to take enforcement action if the LA breach the timescales.