Good morning,
I don’t want to make this post too long so won’t go into all details but will try and put a few key points, so my daughter is 4 next month and starts school sept 2025. Her brother is diagnosed they are completely opposite children, I do suspect however she is on the spectrum but she is high masker in public. Another thing that could co-relate to the autism is she struggles hugely with social anxiety around other children. She is fine happy and chatty with adults, but as soon as children approach she panics. She started nursery at 2, first year near enough was fine, a boy started much later on and within a few months things started to change she cried for me not to leave her there, and I had a fee meetings with nursery and this new boy was being mean to her for no reason, and as she won’t stand up for herself or tell anyone else away from me what’s wrong she struggled, and this boy kept doing things and saying things not nice, I had countless meetings with nursery but they wasn’t doing enough to help her, and my daughter was becoming anxious about going all the time and waking up screaming about it in the night etc, so in the end I took her out, I’ve given her a couple of months break and spent lots of time at toddler groups play centres etc where she’d fine when she’s with me but she does get super overwhelmed when lots of children are around, and goes off in a stare while she processes it. She panics around other children and she gets anxious saying “ mama get me, pick me up” etc, I try and help her with this the best I can , acknowledging her feelings and support her in resolving.
I new she wouldn’t handle children in a large nursery, so I opted with trying her with a childminder simply because I’m worried about her starting school in a year. I no she won’t handle the large amount of other kids and needs to try and go somewhere to get used to others and being away from me. I found a childminders she had maximum 5 children in a day and on one of the days there’s only 2 others ( my daughter attends 3’days a week ) she started a few weeks ago, and she struggles hugely again even with the small numbers, she’s screaming or me not to leave her, she’s back waking multiple times a night anxious, she’s constantly saying she feels nervous, but she masks around others and once I leave she shuts down and holds it all in and seems “ cope” but internally she isn’t, then huge meltdowns when she gets home she’s over stimulated and upset. And then same happens the next day. Expect on a Wednesday there’s only 2 children in and one is a baby and naps a lot. She’s fine on this day, she’s more chatty and plays with the other child ok. But the others days she can’t handle the other 4 children, there is a younger child imperticular she seems lovely but she’s very handsy and full on and the childminder did say she can be abit bossy, my daughter says no thank you, but she carries on doing things, and I think that’s the reason now why I’m back to square one and she doesn’t want to go, she screams for me man don’t leave me she’s back to waking up in the night with anxiety like she did at nursery and she’s constantly asking if this child will be there. She won’t speak up to the childminder if she needs anything, or for support with things of someone’s going something she doesn’t want. Am finding leaving her there now really difficult as she’s begging me not to even tho the lady is lovely and so is the setting, but my worry is school, there’s no way she’s going to handle school, 30 kids, she struggles with a handful. I don’t no what’s best to do, do I take her out and keep her at home full stop and potentially home school until she’s older? I’m finding it overwhelming deciding what’s best, I would find it overwhelming trying to juggle
horm schooling plus my own adhd plus my sons who’s diagnosed autistic and adhd he doesn’t sleep and has high needs but he’s fine in school currently but it spoke be difficult to then home school to, but I will not let her suffer obviously so id do it if it was the best option, but I just don’t know, I don’t no what’s best, stick out the childminders in hopes she copes better for school, take her out and stick to socialising her at toddler groups and play centres. listen to her when she begs me not to let her go while crying, keep her home so she’s not waking anxious and worried all the time but then how does she ever cope with other kids and school. It’s so so difficult,‘I am trying to currently get her referred on the autism pathways to. But she’s very high functions and masks so I can’t see her getting diagnoses even tho she does have a lot of traits.
it’s so difficult just wondering if anyone’s experiences similar or has any advice on what you would do , I just don’t want to watch her struggle but I also don’t no how to make it better