2yo DS behaviour- really struggling

[TattooedLady32]

Cross post on this topic for traffic , advice and even a handhold really.

As the title says really. I am really really struggling with my toddler. I'm mentally, emotionally and physically drained. I just want to sit and cry all day everyday. I'm not sure what I'm doing so wrong. I'll try and explain everything as best I can but please don't come for me, I feel terrible and useless as it is.

My two year old is absolutely feral. His behaviour is terrible. He's constantly hitting, kicking, smacking, biting, scratching, pinching, headbutting. I'm covered in bruises, he's given me black eyes and cuts to my face. He's a big boy for his age and is very boisterous. It doesn't seem like he's doing this in an aggressive way but more out of frustration. He cannot talk. Hes verbal but they aren't words yet. He constantly trashed everything, breaks everything, chucks things for fun etc.

He has a lot of behaviours that I would consider odd, such as the speech delay, tio toe walking, purposefully hurting himself (headbutting walls, the floor etc) doesn't wave, doesn't point, doesn't clap. he just does not stop. I'm trying me best to discipline him but he laughs in my face and hits me if I tell him no. He does have an understanding of phrases and knows what they mean he just doesn't care. He's very particular with routine and gets upset if things change. Also, he hates other people except me so I neve get a break.

His dad is quite lazy with the parenting and doesn't do much to help me with anything really. I'm really struggling and finding myself raising my voice alot and being very shitty because I just cannot get through to DS. And I feel bad because yes he is only 2 and has a lot to learn but I can't see any light at the end of the tunnel. I feel like a massive failure because I just can't do it, I feel like he's out of control. Is it unreasonable to feel like this, I'm so touched out. I have been thinking for a while that he may be autistic, or have ADHD or something similar. Can anyone offer some advice or support? I've been to HV who doesn't seem interested and say he is too young.

You aren’t useless or a failure. If the HV is not listening to you, speak to the GP. It is worth looking at the MCHAT and Ages and Stages questionnaires. Has DS been referred to SALT? If not, look at a referral. In some areas, you can self refer. Has DS had a hearing test? Also speak to Home Start. They may be able to support you. Not all areas commission sensory OT on the NHS any more but if your ICB does it is worth a referral.

Does DS attend nursery?

Sometimes the behaviour you describe can be due to sensory differences. It’s worth looking at this booklet and trying to meet provide some sensory input such as rolling, tight cuddles, ‘heavy’ lifting, trampoline, swing, climbing, etc.

What are DS’s eating and sleeping like?

Some people find the books the Out of Sync Child and The Explosive Child helpful. Aspects of them won’t apply to DS with him being so young, but you might find some bits helpful. Similar for Yvonne Newbold’s resources.

No he doesn't go to nursery at the moment. We aren't entitled to funding and we can't really afford it. He does go to playgroups and soft play, we do lots of activities together but a lot of them he isn't interested in. He likes to play independently. We've had no referrals to anywhere yet. I'm fine to take him to a specialist play group at the children's centre for children with emerging needs and they said this may be a strolling stone to more help. My hv wasn't really interested to be honest but he is having his two year review with them soon and she said we can discuss it then.

He eats well although he can be quite fussy, if he doesn't like the look)smell)feel he will not eat it but he has a varied diet nonetheless. He sleeps well and has a good bedtime routine.

Definitely pursue referrals to paeds, SALT, OT and for a hearing test via the GP/seeing if you can self refer.

Ask the children’s centre if they will support you applying for DLA. If successful this, will open nursery funding.