ADHD, 13 year old DS and sleep - please help me!

[GerbilsForever24]

DS is 13. He has inattentive ADHD. He is medicated.

From the day he was BORN we have struggled with his sleep - he does not want to go to bed. Never has. As a baby and toddler, would like in his cot in silence, but would not sleep. We have long accepted he needs less sleep than other children.

But just the suggestion of a bed time, or a set time to go to bed sends him into a total tail spin. Last year, "bedtime" was 11pm. Insanely late. But frankly, making it earlier was pointless - endless fights, plus even if he went to bed, he' just lie there.

This year, after another endless argument, because he wants "independence to not be told when to go to sleep" we agreed that he needs to go to bed between 11-12. He assured me that he would be responsible and that he would be in bed on time etc etc.

We are on day 1 of the new term and he is already attempting to renegotiate. Last night he went to bed very late as he'd had a late night on saturday and much as I tried to wake him on Sunday, he basically spent Sunday asleep. So surprise surprise, he could not go to sleep last night. Fine. First day of school. Howev er, as he "felt fine" all day, didn't get any codes, got his work done in all his classes, he thinks that this is a sign that he can abslutely stay up as late as he likes "some nights" and that he has proven his maturity.

Obviously he's wrong. Not least becasue I can see when he's tired and how annoying he is. But we've had ONE day of the new "regime" and he hasn't managed to follow it while simulataneousy telling me how awful it is.

what do I do!? He is a nightmare. And yes, he can get by on less sleep/catch up on sleep on weekends, but he does need SOME sleep.

Does DS get enough exercise during the day? And does he take anything to help with sleep?

Did going to bed become more difficult when DS started ADHD meds? Some find they make nights worse and need them adjusting.

Does DS get enough exercise during the day? yes - mostly. And during term time, definitely - he plays one sport at a decent level which is 2 regular trainings a week, plus matches. He takes part in extracurricular at school 1-3x per week. He walks to and from school and/or rides his bike to friends etc. And he regularly goes to the gym.

And does he take anything to help with sleep? He has melatonin prescribed but won't take it. he doesn't think he needs it.

Did going to bed become more difficult when DS started ADHD meds? No, sleep has been a nightmare since he was born. He only slpet through the night regularly aged about 8 and he has never managed to fall asleep easily.

Would bribery to take the melatonin work?

I have a DD who is identical.

The only time she goes to bed early is if she's coming down with something. As a tiny baby she missed the sleep memo, first few months all I ever heard was "she's very alert"... unlike her parents who were exhausted. She could easily go 36 hours with no sleep at all. Didn't sleep through the night till she was 5.

We gave up on bedtime when she was about 2-3 years old and she's gone to bed around midnight ever since. Has to be up at 6.30am for school and has always managed it.

Does huge amounts of exercise and a lot of extra curriculars.

She does have melatonin and takes it so that helps with the falling asleep bit.

If they are able to get up in the morning, can cope with a full day at school and extras then that is probably just the way they are.

DD also ADHD and I have learned to pick my battles - sleep isn't one of them.

@OhCrumbsWhereNow I think the difference is you don’t say DD is tired. OP’s DS is.

I'm so sorry all - somehow this slipped off my watch list and I got side tracked by other things. Thanks for responding.

@OhCrumbsWhereNow to be honest, I can live with midnight. it's the fact that it's already sliding and we're only a few days into the new regime. And he does get cumulatively tired - so a few nights of midnight to 7:30 is okay, but after a while, we see a deterioration in concentration etc.

Having said that, we're on day 4 of the new school term and he hasn't had a single code yet. That might not seem like a big deal to some people, but for us, it's pretty mind blowing. Getting up has been a bit irritating, but I think in a fairly normal teenage way vs genuinely too tired to get moving kind of way.

Oh, and re the "she's very alert" thing @OhCrumbsWhereNow that made me laugh. My entire NCT group used to laugh at DS. we'd do things like go for long walks, all the other children would be passed out... he'd be sitting there looking around. He sat up unaided really early - 5 months or something - and we all joked it was because he spent so much more time awake he had more time to strength his neck and core muscles!!

It's funny how when you look back on how they were as babies and toddlers, you can see the signs but at the time you were completely cluelesss.