Don’t know what to do about tomorrow.

[Holly221288]

Hi,

Thanks in advance for taking the time to read this, I have no idea what to do for the best.

My son is 8, diagnosed with Autism, ADHD and Dyspraxia. He has never enjoyed school but last year (year 3) it hit a whole new low. This was a combination of an unsupportive teacher (she was convinced there was nothing wrong with him and verbalised this), no support from the Senco (she said there only responsibility is in the classroom so him not liking school is not their concern), increased workload and his increasing attachment to me. He masks significantly at school.

Home life was horrific (he has two NT older siblings) as to avoid school in the mornings he was barricading himself in rooms, trying to climb out windows, access knifes etc. And in the evenings he was so dysregulated from masking all day. We got referred to CAMHS as he eventually told school he would rather kill himself than be there and he had an assessment the day before they broke up. They have referred him to a group therapy and said they will call school this week to discuss things. I have also been paying for weekly counselling for him.

We have had a wonderful summer holidays where I’ve got my happy, funny little boy back but the last two days have been hell as he is due to return to school tomorrow.

I genuinely am at a total loss as to what to do. I think it’s important for him to go to school as otherwise he is with me 24/7 (I’m a single parent with no family support, he co-sleeps because of anxiety) as well as obviously the learning aspect. I’m also studying full time and working from home so home schooling would be very difficult. But I also know that I can’t put him through another year like last year as it was breaking him.

Does anyone have any advice? Thank you again.

Request an EHCNA. On their website, IPSEA has a model letter you can use.

In the meantime, if DS is unable to attend school full time the LA must ensure DS still receives a suitable full-time education. This should begin as soon as it becomes clear 15 days will be missed and by the 6th day of absence at the latest. The 15 days don’t have to have already been missed or consecutive.

she said there only responsibility is in the classroom so him not liking school is not their concern

This is not true. The school must make reasonable adjustments and must make their best endeavours to meet DS’s SEN. Request a meeting with the SENCO and follow it up with an email to create a paper trail.

Also request social care assessments. Contact has model letters you can use for this. Look at your LA’s short breaks offer as well.

Does DS take anything to help with sleep?

@EndlessLight thank you so much for taking the time to reply.

School did make a referral to Early Help towards the end of the school year but it got rejected.

I emailed today to ask for a meeting with the Senco.

He doesn’t take anything for sleep. During the holidays he has been asking to go to bed around 8pm (it’s been a dream!). But on school nights it’s 11pm onwards by the time he settles.

Unfortunately he doesn’t qualify for short breaks

Request social care assessments rather the early help using Contact’s model letters. Then send their complaint letter if you are refused.

So sorry you’re in this situation. I also have a child with similar problems who is not in school right now. He went into autistic burnout earlier this year, he’d been struggling and masking for a while before he burnt out, I wish I’d taken him out of school sooner.

My son needs to be in a special school to meet his needs now, I’m in the process of appealing the LAs decision that he should stay in mainstream. I’ve got plenty of evidence and will get him a suitable placement eventually. But for now he’s at home as the effect school was having on his mental health was devastating.

I know doesn’t help your decision about how to handle tomorrow, but I would be planning long term. It doesn’t sound like you have an EHCP? Has your son had any EP or OT assessments? Perhaps a visit to the GP to confirm anxiety?

Do you have any thoughts on what would help him? Special school or extra support where he is? It doesn’t sound like it’s the most sympathetic of settings.

@EndlessLight thank you. I will look into that

@PeaHen99 I am so sorry to hear that you and your son are going through similar. May I ask how old your son is and how long he struggled with school for?

We have an OT assessment as he had sessions for his Dyspraxia. I requested an EP assessment but school said no. They have also said no to applying for funding. Would the GP be necessary as CAMHS have confirmed anxiety? I’m more than happy to go but don’t want to waste their time.

I think he ideally needs to be in some kind of alternative provision or part time school at most with some TA support.

My son should be going into year 6 now. I would say problems started in year 4, he’s always had an EHCP but managed In mainstream with an ASD facility until year 4. I think school work got harder, social interactions more complex and he became much more aware of the differences between himself and others.

I was advised by a solicitor to get the GP letter saying specifically that anxiety was preventing my son from attending school, GP was happy to do this on the strength of a private EP report. I guess CAMHS involvement may make this unnecessary, depends how far you need to take things to get him help.

I doubt you will get him the help he needs without an EHCP or at least a more supportive school. I’d be gathering as much as evidence as possible that his needs can’t be met in his current school. Getting a private EP assessment is a good place to start if you can afford it.

@EndlessLight posted on my thread about a parent family fund and a list of EPs -I’ve reposted here

they’re below : you’re looking at about £1500 for an EP report but there are grants and funds you can try and access.

EPs : Jemma Levy, Ruth Birnbaum, Vivienne Clifford, Mike Hymans, Patsy Kershaw, Marina Gouzouli-Allen, Siobhan Aubin, Paul Kelly, Stephanie Warman, Jonathan Middleton, Leanne Short, John Pugh.

https://www.familyfund.org.uk/grants/apply-for-a-grant/

https://www.disability-grants.org/family-fund.html

Request an EHCNA. You don’t need the school to agree. If the LA agrees to assess, an EP assessment will be part of that. If they refuse to assess, you appeal. Personally, I wouldn’t delay requesting an EHCNA by seeking an EP assessment first. Also, if you apply for an EHCNA and the LA assesses but you have to appeal e.g. a refusal to issue further down the line, you may decide instead of an EP assessment you desperately need to target your money at e.g. independent OT and SALT reports and the LA EP report will do (not brilliant but satisfactory compared to the need to get independent SALT and OT).

DS needs an OT assessment for sensory differences, not just the assessment for dyspraxia. Many ICBs don’t commission sensory OT on the NHS, but if you get an EHCNA, one can be included in that.

Alternative provision can be provided if DS can’t attend school full time. Ultimately, it is the LA who is responsible rather than the school. An EHCP is not needed for this. If DS can’t attend school and will miss 15 days, use IPSEA’s model letter to request alternative provision.

@Lesley25 Family Fund is brilliant. The charity I signposted you to for help funding assessments is Parents in Need.

Hi all, I’m so sorry for the delay in coming back to say thank you. We’ve had a very difficult 10 days.

My son managed two mornings (Tuesday and Thursday) last week and the deterioration in him was significant. He has not been back since.

I received a call from the Senco on Monday who claimed to not know there were any problems (I had multiple meetings with her last year) and asked if I would prefer to just home educate him. Her only suggestion was me going in the classroom with him for 30 minutes a day which he won’t accept (I put the idea to him in a really positive way despite not knowing if it was a good or terrible idea) as he hates to be different. She then said they have their work cut out for them and I haven’t heard from her since.

I have contacted the C&I team who will be speaking with school and also the HERT team. But other than that I’m at a loss.

We have been doing some learning at home loosely based around what they are doing at school and he’s engaged well. His attachment to me is becoming increasingly harder though as he won’t even going to the toilet alone and cries when I’m in the shower.

Sorry for such a long post, I’m just struggling

@PeaHen99 thank you, I will contact the GP I think

@EndlessLight thank you for the brilliant advice. I’ve gone ahead to request a EHNCA

This SENCO and school sound poor.

However, DO NOT agree to deregister him. He needs to stay on roll at that school while they seek help and funding from the LA/find a more suitable environment if they can't meet his needs.

If you are asked to collect him early refuse to do that without paperwork as it would be an illegal exclusion. Don't be stroppy, just say "may I have the exclusion paperwork please". Keep notes of everything. E.g. on Wednesday I took him in at 8.30am and then had a call where they said X had happened. I was then asked to collect him at 2pm.

Good luck.

Sorry, just seen he hasn't been in this week. It is not your responsibility to educate him if they can't. I'd actually be taking him there in the mornings (if that's possible without causing him too much stress) and asking for the exclusion paperwork, as I said before. That will be really helpful evidence for the EHCHNA.

asked if I would prefer to just home educate him.

Don’t allow the school to off roll. Personally, I wouldn’t deregister. I would push the LA to provide provision instead.

Her only suggestion was me going in the classroom with him for 30 minutes a day

She shouldn’t be doing this either. The school should be providing more support.

@Needlenardlenoo thank you for your reply. Unfortunately his mental health has declined so much, he can’t currently attend

@EndlessLight thank you. I’m definitely not going to deregister

But how can they exclude him when it is not a behavioural issue? They cannot exclude a child due to their SEN.

Has OP’s DS even been suspended (even formally or informally) or is it that he is unable to attend because of his MH/SEN? OP hasn’t said DS has been suspended or the school have said he can’t attend.

@EndlessLight he is unable to attend because of SEN/MH. School would continue to have him cause he masks so significantly

In that case, talk of suspension isn’t relevant to your situation.