How to help autistic 12yo to sleep in their own room?

[DuvetPhoneTent]

Dc is 12. He is autistic. He has slept in my room since Covid. This is not through my choice but it has become so ingrained and seemingly difficult to change, he has a mattress in here.

I reeeeaaaaallly want my own space back. I know I can't rush it, but I've been waiting and hoping he would get old enough to just decide to move back to his own room and it just isn't happening.

I have decorated his room to his liking, made it nice with all his familiar things in there.

He also has ebsa, which started after lockdown and has escalated so that he hasn't been to school for months. Everyone agrees that he needs a specialist setting and that mainstream isn't the place for him, and we are hoping for this to be sorted this year.

He is also awaiting trauma therapy for fb he has witnessed (not ongoing - that person is gone)

I know he has a lot going on, but so do I, and I'm beginning to find it hard to cope with literally never having a moment to myself, even when I sleep.

I am looking for ideas of compassionate ways I can help to encourage him, or even make him actively want to sleep in his own bed.

I'm getting desperate.

Bump?

Some of the things we tried were: a two-way monitor, walkie talkies, various lighting, dream pad pillow, ear plugs, brushing, worry book, tents, doodle book/pillowcase, music, white noise, various apps, weighted blanket, audiobooks, teddy, relaxation. Going against all sleep hygiene advice as a last resort I tried letting him watch the Lego Movie in bed, but it didn't work. I also tried the elastic band technique and an adapted version of gradual retreat. They didn’t work for us but do for some. Things have improved slightly over time and with medications, but there is still a long way to go.

In your case, I think it would be easier to focus on once DS is in an appropriate school setting and receives therapy. Does DS already have an EHCP? Are you appealing?

Have you had social care assessments?

Could you gradually swap rooms? Rather than trying to get him to move back to his room. I think that's what I might do!

Thank you, lots of ideas there to try even if they haven't worked for others.

He doesn't yet have his ehcp, assessment is going on now.

I wonder how a gradual swap might work.

I've been so desperate that the thought has crossed my mind of an 'accident' happening to the mattress in my room so that he was just unable to sleep there any more, but I wouldn't really do that.

Is the LA sticking to the timescales? Has the LA sought advice and information from EP, OT, SALT and psychiatrist &/or a clinical psychologist?

I know someone who gradually stopped sleeping in their DC’s room by first moving for an hour in the middle of the night but starting and finishing the night in their child’s bedroom. Not something that would work for us. DS1 would be very distressed if he woke to find we had ‘left’ him. We decided to work from the beginning of the night. So I suppose it depends on how DS's needs present.