Stuck in a helpless situation!

[bouncingboundless]

DS has been referred for ASD assessment. He is 5 and we are having really big issues with meltdowns and violence at the moment. This is mainly directed towards Dd (7) and we have to have constant eyes on him. We currently live in a 2 bedroom small terraced house and the kids share a room. Obviously with his behaviour getting worse this is becoming unfair on Dd as she deserves having a safe space of her own she can go to. It would also obviously help Ds to have his own room as well as sometimes he needs a safe place to go to to calm down and at the moment he just ends up wrecking everything in their bedroom.
Our living room isn't big enough for me and Dh to have a bed in otherwise we would give them our room. We have discussed selling the house and renting but I don't think we could afford it as our mortgage is about a third of what rent is in our area. I feel completely stuck and don't know what to do to make things better for everybody!

Look at a Disabled Facilities Grant. A DFG can provide more room so DS can have his own bedroom.

Have you had a home OT assessment to look at making the house better meet DS’s needs and keep everyone safer? They can provide support, including things like a Safe Space bed or similar if necessary.

In the short term, can DS sleep in your bedroom?

Is DS receiving any support? Does he have an EHCP?

For DD, contact your local young carers’ service. Sibs can also be helpful to speak to.

Are you claiming DLA for DS?

I don't think we would be eligible for a grant because he hasn't got an official diagnosis yet. The paediatrician asked for him to be referred to Ot but they said they couldn't help so they didn't come out. He's not yet receiving any support as he hasn't actually had a diagnosis yet, we are right at the start of the process. Thank you for recommending the young carers service I will definitely look in to that as I just feel so sorry for he at the moment, she's such a sensitive soul too bless her.

Poor you, it sounds like a lot to cope with all at once. @EndlessLight has some great suggestions. I can only suggest a weighted blanket as a stop-gap, which helped manage our son’s behaviour from sensory issues at that age. That and ‘the sausage roll’ technique of wrapping them up in a blanket with their head sticking out and gently putting your body weight on them for a few minutes. Our OT showed us, I’m sure there are YouTube videos.

The vast majority of support is based on needs, not diagnosis.

DFGs are based on needs, not diagnosis. You can look at this now. You do not need to wait for a diagnosis.

Get another referral to OT and if reject challenge them. Sometimes the aids and adaptations/equipment team is a different team to the normal OT team so it is worth contacting your LA. You may even be able to find their details on the LA’s website.

Apply for DLA, that is based on needs. Call for the form and use Cerebra’s guide to help you complete the form.

Request an EHCNA yourself. On their website IPSEA has a model letter you can use.

The school should be providing support. At the start of term request a meeting with the SENCO.

@EndlessLight thank you so much that's really helpful, I will look in to all of it today!

Luckily I didn't see that last comment as I'm assuming it wasn't very kind. Not sure why people feel the need to comment if they can't be kind.

It was someone advertising.