I have two ND children. DD (10) has Autism and ADD. DS (6) has Autism and is in the process of being assessed for ADHD and very likely to be diagnosed. They love each other but they argue constantly and it's starting to really get to DH and I. As I have some ND traits myself and I find excessive noise challenging so the two of them shouting at each other is really triggering for me.
DD cannot resist winding DS up, and he explodes at her over the slightest thing. Of course, neither can see the others point of view so they always blame each other and accept no responsibility for any fallings out. They want to be with each other all the time so are reluctant to play seperately, but it seems they cannot play nicely together for more than a few minutes without it all kicking off.
I feel like I'm constantly playing Referee and it's particularly challenging in the holidays. I keep reading that traditional parenting approaches don't work for ND kids so in that case I assume consequences for them being unkind to each other would be pointless? So what do I do? Talking to them calmly about it hasn't worked, losing my shit at them as I've done a couple of times (not proud of it, please don't judge) hasn't worked. Do I just ignore and let them go at it?? That doesn't seem right but I don't know what else to do.
They get on much better when we are out and about, but we can't be out all the time and we've also worked out that if we spend a whole day out of the house they get overtimulated and are then potentially even worse when we get back home.
Any advice would be much appreciated.