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Here you'll find advice from parents and teachers on special needs education.

Sad that my children never play together

1 reply

Cel77 · 24/07/2024 21:46

My 9 years old son is( high functioning)autistic .My daughter is 5 years old and neurotypical .

They never play together. My daughter tried during all her baby and toddler years but he always ignored her or came to us instead . We tried to encourage him to play with her but he always managed to get out of play.

The summer holiday is extremely hard as they're both in the house but there's no interaction. All the communication is between one of them and me or me trying to include both of them in a conversation with me.

I even take it in turns to play with each of them as otherwise, they'll resort to their separate screens. My daughter is desperate for play. She has a lot of imagination and loves role playing, crafts,stories etc...

My son will purposedly avoid her and spends a lot of time kicking a ball or running up and down in the garden.

He often comes to me and says he's bored. I have to stop myself from saying "Play with your sister then " as I know that's one of his biggest issues . It's not fair on her either as she would be over the moon.

I can just about manage a bit of play if it's on my son's terms and I manage the situation very carefully with his sisters ( she follows his "script ").

She asks me things like "Does he want a biscuit?" and I have to say "Go and ask him " ( he's sitting in the same room so can hear).

She's very quiet and reserved at school. She's very emotional at "perceived " unfairness (someone has a puppy,why not her for eg...). She won't join a club even though we know she'd love it (gymnastics,dance etc...)as she talks about it all the time at home.

He's struggling socially immensely in spite of a lot of efforts on my part for him to play with others. Swimming didn't work (groups are frightening for him). We paid for cycling lessons to give him this skill of freedom but he doesn't want to ride his bike now. His play is so different from others that he can't connect through play much ( maybe "tag" ).He will only play football with me or my husband,wants to be a footballer but refuses to join a club or even have a kick about with select friends. He's been seeing a counsellor for 9 months but we're not sure how that helps in regard to his relationship with his sister.

I'm really struggling during the holiday and after school as it's like having two only children in one house.

I have no idea how to get them to play together, or at least talk to each other.

It's taking me very sad. And it's exhausting.

OP posts:
BrumToTheRescue · 25/07/2024 12:32

Even if DS was NT many 9 year old boys wouldn’t want to play with their 5 year old sister. Especially role play.

If DD wants someone to play with, have you tried play dates? Sometimes they work better with a structured activity. I would persevere with the clubs if you think she would enjoy them. You could also contact your local young carer service.

For DS, you could look for an SN football session - normally called ability counts teams/sessions. Or a 1:1 sessions if groups are too big a step.

Other than the counselling, what support is DS getting for his social interaction and anxiety? SALT, OT, MH therapies?

Have you had social care assessments? A carer’s assessment for you and an assessment of DS’s needs?

Also, have you considered DD isn’t NT?

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