Would you take your child out of preschool?

[mrscoffee]

I'm really struggling and could use some advice. My 3-year-old son has been disruptive and aggressive in nursery. The staff describe him as defiant, unprovokedly aggressive towards both staff and peers, and not following instructions. They say he operates on his own agenda and doesn’t show any remorse or emotions when he hurts someone. They suspect ASD, which runs in our family—his older brother has ASD and ADHD but is doing well and is not violent at all.

He has social-emotional delays. The constant negative feedback from the nursery is overwhelming. After another difficult conversation with the manager about how "unbelievable" it is that he hurts someone and shows no emotion, I spent all of yesterday in tears.

I feel like he picks up on the negative energy at nursery and reacts accordingly. At home, he is good, easy, and pleasant to parent, likely because we are ASD/ADHD-aware parents.

We are considering two options:

1. Sending him to nursery despite his challenging and distressed behavior.
2. Keeping him at home until reception, where he will miss out on peer social interactions but can mature more, and I can support his learning.

What would you do in this situation? Any advice or similar experiences would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you!

Update- Thank you all for helping out. I have submitted an appeal to tribunal. He has been assessed by SALT and they think he has Developmental language disorder (he scored low in receptive language 2percentile) so he actually doesn't understand what he is told despite being able to put his words together. He has processing difficulties and sensory issues, but they don't think he has autism. He will be having speech therapy. I am sad he has challenges but also happy he will get the support and understanding he needs. Thank you all.