My dd18 has completed her A-Levels and should be enjoying her life. However, these past few years at school have been terrible. We’ve had years of her being unsettled at school, difficulties in forming and maintaining long lasting friendships and experiencing very poor mental health.
School and our G.P have been useless despite asking for help repeatedly. This culminated in us funding a private ASD assessment in March this year and surprise, surprise, she has a formal autism diagnosis.
Had this been suggested or offered, I feel that her life could have been so different. We could have accessed local support groups, school could have better supported her and her peers would maybe have been more understanding and and kinder towards her. As a family, we would have made sure she was supported. As such, none of this was identified or offered.
My dd is kind, friendly, fun and interesting. She is also lonely. She is so upset at seeing photos of her ‘friends’ at festivals or on holidays, yet she tries to be positive about it all. I know that she is hurting, I keep hoping that one of her ‘friends’ would call or message her. These are the same friends who were happy to come round to our house many times whilst they were all at school but they wouldn’t ever offer her the same courtesy.
My heart is breaking for her. I’m not sure how to support her. There’s only so much time she wants to spend with us. She’s currently looking for a new part time job, having quit her current one at a fast food venue to focus on her exams. I’ve suggested volunteering, hobbies, sports etc. I’m trying to keep her occupied as I’m trying to keep her mental health from plummeting. Obviously this is balanced with her own downtime.
I’m also feeling resentful towards my own friends who know some of the difficulties we’ve faced yet talk continually about their child’s huge group of friends, holiday plans and prom experiences. I realise they are excited for their children, as they should be. I’ve always tried to be understanding and considerate towards them and this feels like a kick in thr gut. My dd went to the prom by herself, tried talking to her ‘friends’ but they would generally ignore her and so she spent most of her time talking to her teacher before returning home after a couple of hours.
I suppose I feel upset as things could have been different if only we were aware of underlying issues. I feel I’ve let her down and just wish things could have been different.
Thanks for reading this far.