How do you work with your autistic/sen kid(s)?

[Newsenmum]

I’m due to return to work when my baby turns 1. I’ll actually be looking for something new as had to leave a previous job behind. My four year old is autistic and we have had many struggles. He starts school soon and I am envisioning a whole new lifetime of support needed. I get burnt out very easily with the kids (and have some nd traits of my own). Dh is autistic and wonderful at what he does. He is the clear breadwinner and his job is his fixation so he is very good at what he does. I took some time out of work with my first child, partly due to him not coping in childcare and us navigating his diagnosis.

I am now wondering how I’m going to return to work. I mean practically - what is going to be that flexible? And also mentally, what can I cope with? I know mumsnet is very ‘anti’ SAHM and quite degrading of them really, so I feel guilty even contemplating that choice, even though I suppose it’s what I am now. We can cope financially without me working although it would be better if I did work and of course it would give me a ‘break’!

I just wonder if any of you mumsnetters can share what kind of work you do and how on earth you manage it with you ND child, particularly if they have reduced timetables at school, have frequent burnout/school refusal and can’t attend clubs during school holidays?

@LoinChop Gosh that sounds so hard and so familiar.

I mentioned in my earlier post that we moved...we actually moved to be closer to family for more support and even then it has taken two years for my child to be left with one set of grandparents willingly/without incident. Building that trust to be left with another adult when that ND anxiety is at play is such a challenging issue for us too. I have full empathy for you.

It takes its toll on our marriage as we can't just 'go on date night' (if only it was that easy). We have to be 'sneaky' and we go on 'date days' whilst the children are at school once every three months or so, my husband uses annual leave for it.

OP, if your child is used to a babysitter/relative type figure then keep using them so it becomes part of their normal routine if you possibly can. When we lived away we had very few people in our lives who could help with that and we never did it regularly enough either.

We love a "date day"!

Pre pandemic we had some success with the website 'Sitters'. We found a young teacher on there who DD absolutely loved.

We also lucked out with the young adult son of a friend who did some breakfast time care so I could get to work. Also a kindly neighbour who took up childminding during the lockdown when her regular work had dried up.

I suppose essentially all people who've been successful with DD, it's been to do with their personalities rather than their qualifications. With friends you know they share your values.

We do date days too!

We do too!

I think it's worth reminding you @Newsenmum that it's not a foregone conclusion that DC will struggle with school and refuse, or that you won't have the time or the space to work. A lot of the stories in this thread are very real but are not necessarily your future! As others have said, take it one term at a time and have a plan A, B and C for what the juggle could look like. It will all - almost certainly - be fine x

I work 4 days a week term-time only. This is possible because it's a 5 minute commute door to door, GP's live close by and are very happy to help us out and my colleagues are extremely supportive, so I feel I can be honest with them about how challenging things are at home sometimes. There are two women in my team who have raised kids with SEND (now adults) so they get it. DH is by far the higher earner, he works FT and there's no possibility of PT, but his work are supportive and he can work from home if he needs to and take time off for appointments.

Sometimes I feel overwhelmed with juggling everything and think it would be easier to be a SAHM, we could afford it, but I really love my job and think I would resent giving it up. DH and I have both turned down opportunities due to the hours, travel etc being too much, but it is what it is.

Thank you for such wonderful responses everyone