I know I’m being silly but I feel so sad

[Gasbard]

My 3yo DS got a nursery place at my older son’s school for September. He’s currently at a private nursery and the senco there told me to arrange a meeting with the schools senco to have a chat before he’d start. Before the meeting, I received an email from the school regarding stay and play dates before September and how they would arrange for children with siblings already at the school to have lunch together.

Anyway, the meeting the schools senco didn’t think DS would be ready for them yet and recommended me keeping him where he is for now but said to feel free applying for a reception place. Obviously I want what is best for DS so I was ok with this, a little bit sad but was glad for the honesty. Also, DS comes before my feelings and I will always take the professional advice.

A couple of mums who have children in DS class also have children the same age as 3yo DS and today at pick up time I saw them all with their kids in the playground with little name tags on (there was a stay at play session today) and I just felt really sad that it wasn’t DS.

It probably sounds a non issue and I can’t really explain or put my finger on why it has upset me🙁

What do you think?

What do you mean

You said the SENCO doesn’t think DS is ready for them. What do you think?

It’s always the little, stupid things that get me too, often more so than the big things. Still not easy though.

She may be right that that particular setting would be less suitable than the one he is already in, but I think she’s on shaky ground suggesting. Instead additional support should be provided to all DS to attend. Getting that support in place and getting funding for it won’t be easy for her though, so she may just be trying to dodge the issue. I would think carefully about whether this is the right school for your youngest, especially if there are other primaries within reach.

@BrumToTheRescue Oh sorry. He’s coping well at his current nursery but the senco was saying that the school nursery would be massively different to the one he’s at now. She said I have to take in to consideration whether or not he’d be able to sit nice and quietly in assembly and the dinner hall at lunch, be able to sit and join in circle time, be able to participate in PE with out wondering off and loads of other points.

The answer would be no to all so I see her point

Does he have diagnosed SEN? If not are they suggesting he might have SEN? If all his friends are moving without him that seems a real shame.

@Sue152 No he hasn’t got a diagnosis yet but I’ve been told to expect one in the future. I don’t disagree, he’s certainly got asd

The SENCO is trying to put you off. I suspect this is a case of it being easier for the school not to have DS. Rather than about what is best for DS. It isn’t as if DS is coping where he is. If DS can’t attend assembly, then he can be withdrawn from it. If DS can’t eat in the lunch hall, the school can arrange somewhere quieter. If DS wanders off, he needs closer supervision. If the school needs more funding in order to be able to better meet DS’s needs, they should a) ask for input from other agencies, b) apply for early years inclusion funding, and c) request an EHCNA.

You don’t need a diagnosis in order to be classed as having SEN.

If you are wanting to send dc there in reception surely it would be a positive for him to start in September to get used to the environment also I am guessing many of the others will also move up to reception. As @BrumToTheRescue said they may be putting you off, which they should not be doing. Instead they should be willing to support, help him settle and put what is needed in place and also be open with you about what may be needed to support. I experienced something similar from the treasurer at my ds's pre school and she was so out of order. Is the SENDCO for the nursery for the school also? It was in our case.

I'm a bit surprised at this 'well meaning' advice you've had too, my daughter didn't magically mature once she turned 4 or 5 or 6 or 7 etc. learning to behave in an expected way is a slower process for some and needs support but putting it off can mean the opposite that he'll be further behind his peers behaviourally for a late start and then they'll say that they don't think it's the right school after all...

Do you have any other options? Those sound like quite severe school behaviour standards for that age too.

I think you may need to reconcile yourself with them not taking him at Reception. So please make sure you apply for state places too, deadline is mid January.