Teenage autistic daughter struggling with anxiety and depression

[Nellephant10]

Hi all. I'm new here - have signed up as I'm at a loss what to do.

My ASD/ADHD/SPD daughter is 14 and been in a marvellous special school for the past 5 years. Prior to that she was in an horrendous mainstream primary which left her traumatised. However she has always been very happy and bubbly since leaving there, until October 2023. Since then she has spiralled further and further downwards into a mess of depression and anxiety. It coincided with a period of huge trauma in my own life and that has undoubtedly tipped her into this despite my best efforts for it not to affect her although she has also had struggles with maths and science in school. She has been on a part time timetable 3 days a week since Christmas and she has tried very hard to go in for each of those days and mostly managed it. This week she has reached a point where she can barely speak or get out of bed. This was the girl I couldn't get to stop talking long enough to hear myself think, who was full of enthusiasm for life. She is under a psychiatrist through my ex's (her dad) private medical cover in work who put her on fluoxetine around Easter. It seems to have made everything worse so we are reducing the dose with a view to switching meds very soon. I don't know what to do. I'm keen for her not to school refuse as she did that in mainstream and it was very hard to go back once she stopped, but I don't want to keep making her go in, especially if her current condition. I've decided to keep her home at least this week but my gut says to keep her off until September. She is really angry with herself as she is struggling to implement any of the strategies school have tried to introduce to help her with her anxiety, and this leads to her self harming. She sets herself really high standards of perfectionism in everything and sees it as a reflection on herself that she isn't managing to bring her anxiety down with them. I don't even know why I'm posting really except I want to be able to tell someone who gets it as I just want to sob my heart out for her.

DD not attending school sounds the right thing right now. She doesn’t sound well enough to attend at all. Forcing her would result in further trauma. If DD has only been able to attend school part time, is alternative provision being made, so she still receives a suitable full-time education? If so, request an increase in the hours. If not, it should have been and ISPEA has a model letter you can use to request provision.

Have you requested an early review of DD’s EHCP? What therapeutic support is in there now?

I agree with PP, if you can find a way to make it work around your work and other commitments then I would fully support your decision to keep her off school for an extended period. My daughter - primary - also got to this stage in February and she took a six week break, it was really helpful but I regret that I waited so long before doing it. I don't know how your communication and relationship has been with school so far (ours is very supporting), but if you decide to let her stay home for a bit, I would also suggest you really emphasise the mental health risk when you explain to school why you she will be off.