Scared Son isn't talking.

[Ohfuckwhatdoidonow]

From very early on, I said that I thought that DS might be autistic. I'm not even sure why, I think it was that he wasn't really doing eye contact, him recognising his own name wasn't picking up language.
He started to flap, he walked on his toes regularly. He didn't interact with anyone.
He's never really slept. At 2 years and 2 months, he has slept through the night maybe 5 times.
He loves to fiddle with tags, but hates them in his clothes. He's agitated by things touching him.
More recently he has had what seem like the terrible twos, except instead of it being a tantrum like my eldest had, he starts headbutting things. The floor is quite a frequent one.

He has had problems with his speech, I've always spoken to him, the looks I used to get walking through tesco telling him everything we were buying, everything we were doing. We sing nursery rhymes every day for atleast 20 minutes. We have word posters around the house, which I practice with him. I read to him twice a day, I talk, talk, talk.
I took him to sing and sign- which was useless as he doesn't pay a blind not of attention to me when I speak.

The more I try to speak with him, or get him to use words, just small functional bits of language so he can help us understand his needs, the more I realise there are no words.

I really am at a loss of what to do. I took him to the Dr, I saici wasn't sure of his hearing. He took a look in his ears, said he couldn't see a problem and to go through speech and language, and they'll tell the gp if he needs a hearing check. TBH if the TV goes on, or I dare to open a kinder bueno the kids up like a shot!

He recently has his social and emotional questionnaire, and he scored very high, which is unsurprising, however I wasn't really prepared for the concern I now have about his language...what if he never talks?

Obviously, we will figure out a way, as we are already...his needs won't go unmet, but I feel so sad for him, for us.
I keep thinking, what if we never get to have a conversation?

I'm so sorry, I have quite a few people around me with autism, but none who have had difficulty with speaking like this.

Can anyone lend any advice please? I just want to give him the best chances of being able to communicate with people around him.

I have no idea how long it takes to get to assessment, or to have access to help in figuring out how we can make life fit around him, so I'm really hoping to get a head start for him in the meantime.

Any advice at all would be massively appreciated.

Thanks in advance.

You sound like your giving him a great start! Being incredibly pro-active. Even if speech doesn't come (which is impossible to tell so young) they find their own ways to communicate and make their needs known. Makaton was great for us at this age, even just learning simple signs.

So firstly you need to get a salt referral asap. If private salt is an option I'd seriously consider that alongside as the nhs lists are long and the support is exceptionally limited.

Does he understand what you are saying to him? Follow simple instructions? Respond to his name? He's still very young so I wouldn't panic too much. Ultimately you need to get the ball rolling in regards to support. Ds has significant communication needs, I know it must be scary now but know that many children without speech at this age will often gain it and those without speech can often learn to communicate their needs and have conversations using other methods.

The head banging can be common with non verbal little ones. My ds did the same, it was frustration related. It also sounds like he has some sensory issues. Could you try removing labels from his clothing to make him more comfortable. You can get sensory toys with tabs on which he may like.

Did the GP refer DS to SALT? If not, in some areas you can self refer. If you can’t the GP or HV will be able to.

Have you spoken to the HV? I would push for a referral for a hearing test. A good SALT is going to suggest that anyway. If you are worried about autism, push for a referral for an assessment too.

Does DS attend nursery?

Hi OP, you doing remarkably! I ma doing much the same as you, and i was worried about dd at 19mths, and now shes 2yr 8months, and was formally diagnoses as asd on Saturday. I spoke to the gp, she got me in touch with the local child clinic , who did 2 hearing tests and confirmed conversation level hearing, she has one 1:1 with a paed at 2 yrs old he said shes most likely asd and Saturday they confirmed it.

My daughter though has slept well, not sensory processing disorder as such, such sensory seeking, though no words and gestures and doesn't really play with toys appropriately.

Get him on the pathway via your gp asap, it will easily turn around for you. SLT lists are long, but especially for non diagnosed children. I am aiming to find one privately too.

Apply for DLA now, call them up so they log your call. I heard last week that dd has been awarded dla, and its been backdated to last Oct when i called.

You're doing amazingly well! Better than me and he will get through and thrive with a mother like you

Thank you so much for this response, the thing is I really struggle to get his attention, he would often prefer to stare into this air than look at me. Sometimes I know he understands, and sometimes I know he chooses to ignore me. For example, he knows No! And will sometimes stop what he's going to do, other times, the little blighter will look at me, and say, no, no, no, wag a finger and do exactly as I told him not to.. most of the time it's physically getting his attention, and then he might just stare and I think, you really don't understand...even if it's something we've been doing since he was 6 months old. One of the first language tasks we did, when he first started weaning I'd offer him purees "apple" "Prune" and I do still give him prunes or apples each day as part of his breakfast, and he's only just picking up apple, but if he sees the whole thing.

Sorry, I'm rambling!

There's a lot of no words, but screaming and hitting.

I have spoken with a private SALT who we should hopefully see next week for assessment.

I'm really feeling that if we can work on his communication issues, he may stop hurting himself and me.

Also- tags are coming off most of his clothes now. Especially as in the warm he seems even more aware of things that are uncomfortable.

Thank you for the advice

Thank you, it feels like I must have failed him somehow.
We tried Makaton, which was great, except he just refuses to look at me most of the time which means it's lost on him.

I took him to do all these things thinming he might have a speech impediment like his sister had, and we've got a completely different issue entirely lol.

Thank you

DS attends a childminder, more for the requirement of socialising without me, I thought (hoped) that my presence was what was holding him back from interacting with others, but no such luck.

The HV hasn't been too helpful with the speech problems, or the suspected autism, but he has been referred for an assessment for autism. I'm going to chase the GP again and request for a hearing check. The last one was only interested in checking there wasn't a wax impaction.

I've contacted a SALT who's reasonably priced and hopefully she will help us significantly... in our area SALT wait lists are very long so I thought I could try and get the ball rolling ASAP with a private SALT.

Thank you for the advice

Thank you, that's so kind of you, when I originally read your reply it made me cry. There isn't a day that goes by without me feeling like I've failed him. It's so hard at the moment.
I'm not sure where you are based, but I've found a reasonably priced SALT, who we should be seeing next week. Thank you for your advice, its given me plenty to try and action.
I've had concerns since quite early on, but have been thinking, I'll give him space, maybe it'll pass, I didn't want to put him through assessments he maybe didn't need, but it's very clear that without some outside help, we're going nowhere fast.
First point of call is trying to improve his communication skills, however much we can

How is your little one? I'm just thinking, about 6 months ahead of my boy.

Maybe there will be some improvements for us all to look forward to. I feel so sorry for him not being able to communicate, especially when he's upset.

We are based in west London and there are no ST's about to help. shes 2 yrs 8 months atm, and has better eye contact for sure, she recognises her name much more, shes slept exceptionally well through the night since birth but has a bad time recently but now back on track.

Ive tried some things out on her that have yielded some benefit. But i shant put them on here for fear of being shut down. please DM should you want to know.

In the meantime, you are doing so exceptionally well. and keep going,there will certainly be rewards some point down the line. Ie i said to dd huggy the other day and she wrapped her arms around me! that meant the world to me

What support is the childminder providing?

Have you considered requesting an EHCNA.

A little bit after that age, we picked up the book An Early Start for your Child With Autism. Our DS is autistic, but even if he wasn't I wish I'd read that book before he turned 2. The book outlines suggested approaches to developing shared and joint attention are good things to try with any and every child as they help form the basis for communication and eventually language, and were super helpful for me as a first time mum. That book is now a bit old, and you may find other similar resources that have come out more recently, but I'd say start with activities that help to build joint attention and shared interests and basic (including nonverbal) communication. Expressive language comes after.

Our DS maybe had one or two words at 2.6 and a bit of babble, and it took awhile to get proper words flowing (using approaches in that book) but by 3 he was jabbering constantly, using delayed echolalia. Now at 5 he still uses echolalia, but also uses flexible speech but with bad grammar and we follow SALT advice that's more tailored for autistic children to help him continue his progress. At 2.2 I was scared witless in a similar position, but we've come a really long way and I can see him making good progress almost week on week, so don't give up hope yet!

Disclaimer on all of the above - this of course doesn't guarantee your DS is autistic too, a lot can happen at your DS's age so take our experience for what it's worth. But do get the ball rolling on referrals for assessment. It will take an age to get assessed, and god knows how long to get any support so you might as well play it safe and at least get on the waiting list. You can always remove yourselves from the list if it turns out it's not needed.

You're doing a great job investigating early though, and whether it's autism or "only" a speech delay or hearing issue, you're doing the right thing in learning how to help him now when he is so young and it will have the biggest impact!

Mine was exactly like yours at that age if not more delayed. He benefited from Sensory Integration therapy and Speech Therapy, floor time. After all those therapies and identifying his needs and supporting him he is doing great at age 6. At that age we introduced him pecs (picture exchange program) now and next board. We played attention building games, bubbles, soft play. Have a look at Gina Davis The Attention Autism, there are videos on youtube. Turn taking games. Google the ways to improve joint attention. You are doing great by the way! Just wanted to share my experience.