Urgent help for year 10 son

[Mousecat1098]

Hi can anyone help or advise me how I can help my son. He’s year 10, extremely hormonal, diagnosed DCD awaiting ASD assessment.

He is missing lots of school because he’s so unhappy. He’s coming home disregulated, crying, angry and frustrated. He is struggling to articulate what exactly is making him feel like this. He says it’s friendships and lack of them.

Should I keep him off until school take this seriously? What can school even do to make him happy.

Its clear his needs aren’t being met.

We are literally at our wits end. It’s putting a huge strain on us all. His sister is mid Alevels and we’re all walking on egg shells. It’s not his fault he really is miserable and struggling.

Any advice or support would be hugely appreciated. Thanks x

What support is the school providing? Have you spoken to the SENCO?

Does DS have an EHCP? If so, have you requested an early review. If DS doesn’t already have an EHCP, you can request an EHCNA yourself. On their website, IPSEA has a model letter you can use.

If DS is unable to attend school you can request the LA ensures alternative provision is provided. IPSEA has a model letter you can use for this, too.

Thank you for the advice. No he doesn’t have an EHCP we applied in year 6 and it was turned down. He has an access leader in maths, science and English but not one to one. He uses a laptop in lessons which he hates having to do. Says people laugh and he feels different.
Ive emailed the Senco and she’s offered for him to work in a room called Raise tomorrow where he can be separate and work one to one with a teacher for the day. This isn’t a long term solution though.

I’m completely exhausted as my husband is at work until 11 tonight and he’s all over the place.

I’ve got to the stage where I can’t think straight at all.

Request another EHCNA and appeal if refused.

Request a meeting with the SENCO about longer term support.

Has DS had a referral to CAMHS - although it will be a long wait.

I can't believe people laugh at him using a laptop, that is just appalling. DS ( ASD and dyspraxia) has used a laptop for years and has never had that that I'm aware of, I'm amazed that kids would laugh and not just be jealous and want to use one themselves!

Does he have somewhere he can go at break and lunch if he's struggling with friendships? A library, computer room, pastoral care area etc? Would he be happy spending those times somewhere on his own? It was a godsend for DS but might be different for yours if he wants to be sociable.

Can he work in Raise for the time being? How does he feel about that? It all depends very much on what he wants and what works for him.

There are things that they can do and should be doing without an EHCP. They should still be providing an education that meets his needs. Is he getting assistance with social skills or emotional regulation? Is he getting support at unstructured times? This could, for example, involve them setting up a lunchtime club around an interest he has. They also need to address the teasing around use of the laptop. They could also reduce his timetable so that he has time to decompress or do sensory regulation activities during the school day. Social issues, mental health and sensory regulation all play into his education and are also things that he needs education on so the school should very much be supporting with these.

Whatever you do do not deregister him. Whilst you are on the school role the school and LA have a responsibility to provide him with an education, they do not if you deregister him or elect to horn educate him.

If you feel he is too unwell to attend for mental health reasons then keep him off, but do go to your GP and get his anxiety recognised so that you have evidence. You also need to ensure that his school is recording any absence as due to mental health issues and not as unauthorised. Yes, life with a ND child is challenging but you should not all be stressed and walking on egg shells. Push for more support. Support in schools is not dependent on diagnosis, but need, so don’t feel you have to wait for the diagnosis to push forward.

Speak to the SENCO and if you get nowhere follow the school’s complaints procedure but I wouldn’t waste too much energy on this if it doesn’t look like things are going to go anywhere. Request an EHCNA yourself again. If it or the issuing of a plan is refused appeal it. The bar for getting an assessment in law is really low. LAs often make it much higher. With a pre-existing diagnosis of DCD he already would be over that bar. You may need to get independent reports to get what you need, but may not if he’s genuinely okay in mainstream with a bit of additional support. There are charities that may help pay for these if they are unaffordable.

DS should not be coming home from school in that state every day.

Thank you for replying - all of you. It’s much appreciated. He’s got an ear infection and is now on antibiotics. He’s been off school today and slept all morning and is still tired. Maybe this is what’s been making him so out of sorts these past few days. He doesn’t seem terribly ill but his ear isn’t nice at all for him.

Good point re getting his anxiety recognised. I hadn’t thought of that.

I could never home educate him and we live in a rural area, his is a very large school and the only others are miles away.

I thought the same about the laptop and other pupils laughing. I’m wondering if that’s more a perception of what he thinks will happen. The Senco did say she has kids asking to use laptops that don’t need to and soon they’ll all be using them at college/6th form.

In fairness the school have been helpful in lots of ways but they say he’s doesn’t want to be associated with the Send team and the hub and places he can for support. He sometimes says he just wants to be normal.

He’s had a camhs referral and last week we were offered an online ASD assessment to speed things up. We would very much welcome an online assessment. At first DS was dead against being assessed but he’s come round to the idea now.

He's really edgy tonight and keeps saying I must go in tomorrow! I can feel a meltdown coming over it.