Can't get over upsetting comment from DD

[Ilovechocolate87]

DD is 7.
Currently undergoing both private and NHS assessments for ADHD/ASD.
Private appt was the other day, NHS we are at the stage of awaiting school assessment.
She has always generally been a happy, enthusiastic and bubbly character,who mainly speaks positively about herself and enjoys praise, but she is highly sensitive, especially to criticism and things not going her way.
She catastrophises alot, such as if something little goes wrong even if she has had a really fun day, it then turns into 'the worst day ever' and has on occasion when very upset said some pretty negative things about herself/life.
We had 'I'm a horrid girl' 'nobody likes me' 'everyone blames me for things' and 'I want to be someone else' but now it seems to have shifted to me...over the past few weeks we have had 'you love (sister) more than me' 'it's like you don't love me when you're cross' 'it's like you never wanted me (and sister)' and the worst one the other day (she got really upset after i told her off for not listening and walked out the room to go downstairs, but came back to her when I heard her sobbing) which has really deeply upset me was 'It's like you wish I'd never been born'
I feel so awful and like ive messed her up somehow...i have been telling myself what sort of mother has a child who thinks that :(
We can be quite naggy, critical, disciplinarian at times as can find parenting her emotionally challenging, but generally we are loving, devoted, responsive and connected parents.I share a very close relationship with her.I tell her and show her I love her every day...
It was just so shocking and upsetting to hear her say that.
I reassaured her we would never think that, she is the best thing that's ever happened to us, we love her still even if we get cross (have always told her that)
Later, when she had calmed down, I asked if she still felt like that or different she said 'different" and 'like it's not true' but I still feel bad that she felt that way at the time :(

Has anyone else been in a similar position?

My ASD dd is now 10, we've been getting similar comments plus "I wish I was dead" since she was 8/9 🥺

She really struggles to understand tone, so sees a lot of requests as 'being shouted at' but at the same time can be very rude/unkind herself. Like you, blows up or melts down at the drop of a hat when the slightest thing doesn't go to plan. She usually takes it out on her little sister then when we (gently) pull her up on her behaviour, she goes into victim mode and "you hate me" "you don't love me like you love DD2", "you don't want me part of your family" comes out. She's severely dyslexic so that comes with more self esteem challenges.

Unfortunately I don't have a lot of advice. We keep things low demand at home, very limited after school and weekend activities, I spend a lot of time with just her when I can, especially after she's calmed down after a blow up talking about how I love her and at the same time. She's almost always very sorry after she calms down.

Good luck!

I couldn't read and not reply. Yup, this is familiar to me. My daughter is 12 and has been diagnosed with ASD and severe SPD (we went private), she's on the NHS ADHD pathway. The other day, out of the blue, she asked me why I always tell her she's dumb. I was shocked at this. I have never ever once said this, not even as a joke because 1, I don't think that's a funny joke, and 2, she's very literal, so even as a joke, she'd take it literally. In private, I sobbed as I couldn't even understand why she thought that I'd said it, let alone say it enough to warrant her saying I do it "all the time". I left it for a bit and spoke to her. She apologised and said she didn't mean it and she wasn't sure why she said it. She tends to say things that don't make sense, like her mouth says something that she isn't actually thinking, and she really struggles to interpret tone and facial expression. It's heartbreaking when things like this happen. It's horrible for us but it's worse for them. X