What do I do

[Rosebel]

DH and I agreed someone needed to give up work for DS. He has high needs and we're not sure he'll cope with school. As a minimum he'll need a long transition.
It fell to me to give up as DH earns more. I actually still have about 3 weeks left at work but part time.
DS has first settle at school today but he will not let me dress him. Screaming, kicking, biting, pulling clothes off as I'm trying to get them on.
I'm at the end of my tether and he's still just got a nappy on. I don't know how I'm going to get him to school for 8:40 in September
I told DH I'm withdrawing my resignation when I go in for staff meeting tonight because I can not cope. My DH said why would you do that, proving he has no fucking idea how hard it is with DS.
I'm now in agony as I hurt my back yesterday and trying to stop him from hurting me or himself has made it worse.
I don't know what to do about his settle today and long term.
School is mainstream as waiting for his EHCP to go through.

I would write today’s session off. DS is far too overwhelmed for it to be successful.

Have you spoken to the school? Jumping straight into a full settling in session sounds like it is too much. Have you got things like photographs/video of the school/staff? Looked at the outside when passing? Had a brief 1:1 meet? If DS would cope with it a meeting at home?

Where are you with the EHCP? Does DS attend nursery? When is DS 5?

He's not 5 until next June but nursery refused my request 6him to stay there until next year as they felt he'd be "too old". He wouldn't as his development is mostly in his 8 to 26 months category.
I've spoken to school who seem understandsing (but couldn't understand why nursery refused to have him until at least Easter) and I work with a woman who used to work there and she said head teacher is fantastic. We have taken DS to look around but I'm not sure how much he understands (he doesn't talk yet just babbles).
Nursery applied for his EHCP but really recently despite me asking countless times. So it's been about 6 weeks.

If it has been 6 weeks since the EHCNA request, has the LA agreed to assess yet or informed you they are refusing to assess?

Do you have any specialist nurseries locally who offer early years assessment places for those going through or needing to go through the EHCNA process? Does the school have a nursery?

Unfortunately we don't have any nurseries near us that offer that and unusually the school has no preschool or nursery attached.
We are lucky in the respect that the LA have confirmed they are assessing and actually confirmed this very quickly obviously it's still a long road.

Is there another mainstream nursery locally that is supportive? I think I would try speaking to the current nursery again, too.

Have you requested the LA seek all the information needed e.g. SALT and OT? Make sure the LA stick to the timescales.

Why did he not want to get dressed today? Is he normally fine getting dressed for nursery? Was it because he had to wear something different to normal ie school clothes? If so i would just put him in his normal clothes and have it as a reasonable adjustment for him that he doesn't have to wear school uniform even when he starts properly.

How was he when he went for a look around? Does he have any favourite particular toys ie cars, dinosaurs or whatever that could encourage him in happily. Does he know the other children he is starting with? That familiarity might help him if so.

By 'too old' does the nursery mean he might be too big and boisterous compared to the other younger kids? Alternatively do they struggle with him and it's just an excuse? As it sounds like they've taken ages to do the EHCP they don't sound that great so I'd be pushing for him to go to school. If mainstream isn't the right place then school will need to be getting the evidence and pushing for him to get a place at an SEN school.

Also once he starts don't let the school informally exclude him as this is illegal - if they want you to pick him up then they need to do it officially, not just ask you to pick him up. They may do this to avoid paying for a full time TA for him as it saves money to send him home to you and school budgets are stretched - this is not your problem though, your son is as entitled to a full time education as anyone else. Obviously if it's your choice for him to go part time because you think it's in his best interests then that is different.