AIBU to feel upset about head's remark?

[cory]

Dd is currently in Yr 6 and getting ready to sit her SATS (Mock SATS this week).

Last week she came home in tears because the acting head had told the Yr 6s in assembly to "put up your hands anyone who is not planning to be off sick during SATS week!"

As the school know full well, dd has a totally unpredictable connective tissue disorder which means that she can collapse and be unable to attend school at any time. She has also just undergone an emergency knee operation (still in a lot of pain) and there is a clear risk that she may need an emergency operation on the other knee at any time.

Dd says the other kids put their hands up, but she couldn't.

Under these circumstances, do you think this was a reasonable thing for the head to do? I know the school has kids with learning disabilities, yet I can't imagine her asking "anyone who is going to get a level 4 in SATS" to put up their hands, leaving the kids with learning disabilities singled out. So why is it ok to single out someone with physical disabilities?

I don't want to make a public fuss, as the new acting head is generally very supportive, this was obviously just a slip of the tongue- but such a stupid slip!!!

Am also mildly disgruntled as I found out that nobody has bothered to tell dd that she is entitled to rest breaks; they clearly expected her to ask anyway. Oh yeah, like you would in the middle of the exam, if nobody had told you you could.

hmmm. but "put up your hands anyone who is not planning to be off sick
during SATS week!"

She's not planning to be off sick is she? if she is then it will be unfortunate, but not planned? so presumably the head was just asking in a more suttle way whether anyone was planning to skive?

I would be furious. I think you should speak to the head - It was a very tactless and hurtful thing to say.

It was light-hearted!!! And she isn't planning anything so why not put up her hand

I think it was said lightheartedly. And even if your dd may be off, given the unpredicatable nature of her condition, it certainly isn't planned.

it was just a little joke imo - I'm sure she didn't mean to offend

Was it not just a joke?

Could you explain to your DD that it was a lighthearted comment, and was suggesting that some of the children might pretend to be ill in order to avoid the SATs?

And that it was in no way aimed at anyone in particular, including her.

I read it as being a comment that included everyone, rather than singled anyone out.

It is sad that your DD was upset by it, but I do think it sounds like she may have misunderstood the comment.

yab a leetle bit u sorry
She's not planning to be off. She should have put her hand up with the rest of the kids.
He was just kidding about with them

Yes, I suppose I should have explained that the problem is that dd has had 4 years of contant unpleasant remarks (mainly from previous head) about her absences. Constantly having it suggested that she is only pretending to be ill, or that we were encouraging her to be absent, or that we must be a dysfunctional family. Despite the fact that the school were suppplied with mountains of medical evidence, and that the school doctor, the paed and the GP all wrote to the school asking them to lay off her. Other remarks like "Yes, we do know that X is ill, but you can't expect us to be happy about it" didn't go far to boost anyone's confidence either.

Appreciate that Mumsnet couldn't be expected to know about this. And that I may well be overreacting.

But my point is, that the present head (who was at the school at the time) knows how much dd has suffered from these suggestions in the past (she's had counselling for it). So why couldn't she avoid lighthearted comments for this once? When she knows the school has a long history of mismanaging the case of a child that is actually present as she speaks? Why couldn't she bite her tongue for once?

(btw I am not planning to storm into the school and make a big thing of this. I had just hoped that we had finally seen the end of these supposedly witty remarks).

I just don't believe that this will boost their attendance in any way; a child that was planning to skive will skive anyway.

Oh dear Cory, I suppose then that placed in greater context, the comment sounds like it might have been directed at your dd. Or at least that was her perception given the history.
I'm not sure what you can do, if anything, apart from look forward to september and a new school and new start. The school sounds rather unpleasant to me.
If I recall correctly, was it you who had not been allocated your first choice secondary school because it was not on the list of accessible schools? Or was that someone else. If it was you, hope the appeal goes well.

It was me, Pooka. We're appealing!

The school is nowhere near as unpleasant as it has been- in fact, generally speaking, it's pretty supportive and I do give them credit for the way they've changed in the last year. I am prepared to think that this was just an unfortunate momentary slip- but I still think it was unfortunate.

(yes, I do, folks)

To look at another scenario:

if I had had instead a child with learning disabilities

and this child had spent 3 years made to feel she was lazy and not given any support, despite an early diagnosis

and the school was very anxious to have all children reach level 4 in their SATS

and my child was the only one not likely to achieve this

and the head asked for a similar show of hands in a public place 'for all who are planning to not get a result below level 4 in their SATS'

and all the other kids put their hands up

should I then tell my child not to be silly, but to put her hand up with the rest, because 'you are not planning to do badly in your SATS, it's beyond your control'
Ah, that's all right, then.

'And besides, it was a lighthearted remark and you know those don't count'.

Only want to add that I would have fully supported the head if she had said 'please do everything in your power to ensure that you are present and doing your best during SATS week; it's very important'. Or words to that effect.

It's really not that I'm not supportive of the school's aim; we've done so much SATS preparation that we've got perimeters and percentages coming out of our ears!

I think SATS are ridiculous IMO - as far as I can see the only benefit of taking them is to demonstrate that the school is doing well. They don't seem to do the children any favours. But then dd is only in reception, so I may be wrong.
I can see where you're coming from now Cory. I hope the appeal is successful - from you post on the other thread it sounds hopeful to me.

That IS the point of SATs It's to show that the school is achieving the targets of the NC

Sorry Cory
Had no idea of what a hard time your dd has had in the past with horrible comments
No wonder you were upset
Good luck with the appeal