My son is a summer born . He would be starting reception at 4.2 years . I am not sure if he would be ready.
here’s why , Firstly he has a speech and language delay. His understanding and ability to follow introductions has just started to improve however he uses very little speech to communicate his needs. He is currently awaiting an asd assessment which will likely be this year before starting school. He has recently been toilet trained however due to his communication delay won’t say when he needs to go . If I forget to take him he starts screaming then I have to realise he needs to use the toilet.
He did attend nursery for 4 months after he was 2 but we did move a few times and was hard to get him settled into a preschool. I have only just settled into a stable home , He joined 2 preschools recently and was very distressed constantly crying and I was being called in daily to pick him up. One of the preschools he was aggressive towards the other kids and teachers. However my son is not aggressive at home towards any of us or his younger sibling even when he’s physically hurt him. On the other hand the nursery were not meeting his needs and we’re very strict with him. He is just very happy and smile little boy at home , I worry that a school environment before he is ready could traumatise him because after I took him out of that preschool setting It took him a few weeks to trust me whenever we left the house that we wasn’t going to the preschool. He didn’t want to leave home at all. But now is fine.
At the moment he’s been at home with me and I was considering sending him to another preschool in September instead who can meet his needs as he would have a formal diagnosis and really gradually help him get settled into the preschool. However due to my previous experience I am trying to be very careful in the next preschool environment I choose .
He has however made loads of improvements and has been reaching developmental milestones but just at a slower rate than the average child so I was hoping an extra year before starting school could allow him to be more advanced developmentally than where he is now . His understanding and listening skills would have improved and would understand the concept of going to school etc. Going to a good preschool for that year will allow him to settle out of his separation anxiety and prepare him for school better than him not having attend pre school. The year would also give me some time to sort out an echp plan for him before starting school, and also give me time to help him with his toilet training even further and also teach him more self care and life skills needed like how to put on his jacket or his shoes etc ..
Heres why I am also reluctant to defer him: he is very bright academically and naturally enjoys numbers and reading so maybe school might be a positive experience.
The two schools as my preferences that I’ve applied for both are mainstream resources based schools who are commonly used to dealing with kids with speech delays and asd kids. One of the schools has a speech unit and the other one has an asd unit so I do feel like the schools would be able to meet his needs.
In addition both schools offer the option to start on a part time basis and he would only be required to go full time after he turns 5 so on the plus side will give him time to settle into school environment even without having gone to a preschool setting.
I also read somewhere that 90% of the child’s brain develops before 5 and him starting school at 4 might give him an advantage of being around other kids , and improving his social and emotional skills earlier.
I also feel like what is the point in him starting preschool to potentially experience a negative experience again, the negative experience would put him off wanting to even go to school in future.
It would be better for him to start school, deal with the separation anxiety in that year and hopefully by the time he starts full time hours he would have already adjusted to the school
Any advice would be appreciated. I am very conflicted on what I should do . I also haven’t met anyone in real life who has deferred so don’t have anyone to talk to . This is my first child so I dont have priorany experience with all of this.