Hi all,
I did originally post in chat but hoping to get some advice from anyone with personal experience. I am so concerned about my daughters behaviour and we’re really struggling.
So….my dd has just turned 6 years old. We’ve always had problems with her behaviour but the behaviours have changed as she’s grown. It’s so hard to know where to start because there is SO much. School keep telling me they are not seeing the behaviours in class and only see them whilst coming into school with me during handover (which makes me feel great!). She’s also very bright, reading fluently and relays all sorts of learnt information. Sorry for the long post but there is just so much. So here are some of the most recent behaviours:
- refuses go to school, hides around house. Runs away, hides in car, I have to carry her into school crying. Sometimes with no shoes on and she will hold onto me and run away from teachers. Worries about school night before and doesn’t want teachers to tell her off.
- Cant follow instructions at home, won’t brush teeth, get dressed, wash hands etc. hasn’t brushed teeth for few days now🤦🏻♀️
- I can’t give her too many instructions at once because she gets overwhelmed and starts to make groaning noises and stamp feet, tells me to ‘stop!’. I have to say, we’ll brush your teeth after I get dressed etc..
- I have always had to use distraction tactics to get dressed, brush teeth, wash etc. ‘ count how many squirts of soap I have put on your hand’ etc. but these aren’t working as well now bit older.
- went through an awful few months of meltdowns over hair because she could feel ‘bumps’ in it when tied back. She would go straight into full blown meltdown, lying on floor kicking arm and legs, screaming. Then continually licking hand to flatten hair. We can be going somewhere shes looking forward to but if she feels a bump in hair it can result in a meltdown and spoil the whole outing.
- she will only wear same leggings- to school and weekends. Same outfits. We used to have major meltdowns going anywhere because leggings were ‘too tight, baggy,too short, long etc!’ Now I have bought same brand leggings x7 and she wears same everywhere, I don’t push it or question it even if going to a party. The meltdowns are less as a result but clothes Still seem to be an issue when she is overwhelmed.
- Hates going to parties, won’t leave my side, when overwhelmed starts to say it’s noisy and holds ears but not all the time. Rarely mixes with any friends in parties and looks ‘awkward’.
- on occasion has been speaking like a baby and acting like one! Getting annoyed if I can’t understand what she’s saying! Sucks thumb when stressed(never sucked thumb as a baby). Today didn’t want to speak so was writing to me instead all morning.
- presents as anxious outside of house but is super busy at home, bouncing jumping, climbing all the time. Has always been busy since a baby. Won’t sit to watch films. Demands everyone’s attention ALL the time.
- pulls toys out everywhere, won’t tidy away and moves onto new toys.
- for example, mashed orbeez into bathroom floor, whilst I cleaned up, she drew all up her arm in pen. A little later I catch her mixing paints with a toy kitchen mixer. Refuses to help tidy.
- breaks things but gets very upset and worried after it. Recently bought new sofa and she unpicked the staples on the back making a hole. Tells me she didn’t know what she was doing.
- I struggle to get her to sleep at night, she’ll want stories, songs, wriggles about. Then she’ll remember she HAS to do something and will get out of bed and the routine starts all over again.
- restless at night, grinds teeth awful in sleep and has nightmares.
- gets very angry quickly , used to hit and bite during meltdowns. This started to get better but she has started to hit herself, punching her face or head butting sofa and will say really horrible things about herself and others.
- Will not listen. Her older brother’s friends cannot visit because she jumps all over them, throws things at them etc.
- cant take her shopping, climbing in and out of trolly, swinging off trolley, not listening. Swinging off every bollard/bike rack she sees.
- loves sharks and knows lots of facts but is terrified they are in the bath or when having meltdown thinks a shark is going to eat her?!
- another odd thing she does is squeezes any cut, corner of nail etc to make it bleed a lot more. She was doing it to her gum the other day.
- i feel like I’m walking on eggshells all the time, it’s like she starts to nitpick over things like clothes not feeling right, toys not going the way she wants etc and it builds with her groaning, lying on floor kicking arms and legs and turning into a full blown meltdown. Even when going out to do nice things like park, grandparents we struggle to get out of house sometimes.
- when having a meltdown she has stated saying things like, spiders or sharks are going to get me and she has to have me ‘do the same as her’ but in a proper panic screaming hysterical. She also screams for others not to look at her whilst on a meltdown.
im struggling so much I’ve had to finish work. School feel it is not adhd/asd as the difference in behaviour is so extreme between settings, she a ‘model’ pupil apparently which makes me feel rubbish. I’m just at a complete loss as to what to do! As we’re in wales any referral for diagnosis needs to go through school. I feel there is something seriously wrong but then at times she can present like nothing is going on, at least for a few hours? If it’s not ADHD or ADD, surely this can’t just be ‘behaviour issues’. Do I just wait to see if it progresses over next year?
Any advice greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance.