Adolescent social skills and friendships

[GirlMum40]

Hi
I wasn't sure whether to put in the preteen section or the SEN.

I have a daughter age 11 almost 12.
She is awaiting ASD diagnosis and has always struggled socially, possibly social anxiety. She was mute for a time but can talk now.

She has a habit of making a friend, then trying to control them to the point they get fed up and stop being her friend.

She simply cannot fathom how to be friends with more than one kid at a time, it's all or nothing. If her friend talks to anyone else she gets jealous.

If she is walking home with her friend and another friend joins them, she storms off, angry.

She has no idea how to make conversation and will just ask "how are you" several times in the space of an hour for eg as she seems to have no clue what else to say... Another factor in not having friends.

This would not be as much of a problem except for the fact she REALLY wants a friend, and is severely depressed when she is without one, but she never learns from past mistakes.

I was just wondering, has anyone any suggestions on how to very subtly help her with socialising, empathy, and not being overwhelming and controlling. She will not accept any help in school as she is absolutely paranoid that anyone thinks she is different in any way.

Any books? Online courses? Anything would be great.

Thankyou 🙂

Drama classes might help. The act of pretending to be someone else and improvising can make it easier to learn how to make conversation and behave in a more socially appropriate way.

Would DD accept support outside of school?

Extra curricular clubs are a good way to socialise in a more structured environment.

Thanks sadly she is outright refusing drama classes. I thought they would be great for her. The only thing she goes to is dance but obviously there isn't much interaction there, or talking.. Just dancing.