Teen DD refuses to accept ASD diagnosis

[MessyMum123]

We had her assessed after a lot of issues started a year or so ago that I knew she would need support with in secondary school.
She was happy to accept she has “ misophonia “ and “ social anxiety “ as these both give her a way out of participating in things she’s uncomfortable with but absolute refusal to accent the ASD is what causes a lot of the sub type conditions.

She is adamant the test is wrong and blames me for answering the questions wrong and for telling her about the ASD diagnosis and now is adamant she no longer loves me and that I need to make it all up to her 😢

@MessyMum123 Hello. Like your DD, I also struggled to accept my diagnosis, but with help, I managed to reframe it into a positive by doing the following:

learnt about what autism is to help me come to terms with what it would mean for me and those around me

I then focussed on the fact that having the diagnosis would mean i would be able to improve the relationship i have with myself

where there were negatives, I had to learn to trust that it was okay to ask for help, and that there is more than one way of communicating needs/thoughts

i suspect it would be the shock of the diagnosis she is having difficulty coming to terms with?

Be reassured there is nothing she or you have done wrong to warrant an ASD diagnosis, it is purely nature's way of getting some of us to think/feel or act in ways that are unique to us all.

If she is up to it, could you not go for a walk and have an honest chat about how she feels to try and put it all into perspective so you both understand how to work with one another without the risk of overloading one another?

Hope the advice helps!

Thank you for such a long reply!

I have spent the whole day trying to talk to her and make her feel settled again.
She is struggling not to blame me for the whole thing which I do understand as she just wants to be “ perfect “ and no matter how many times I reassure her, she still hates the fact she’s different.

We went on a shopping trip together which went really well until lunch time and then she ended up having to leave the restaurant because she couldn’t sit near people who were eating meat and the chewing noises made her not be able to eat.

I just want her to be happy that’s all

Denial isn’t uncommon. Give DD time. In the meantime reassure her you love her. Does she have a good pair of noise cancelling headphones?

She won’t wear them or loops - nothing that makes her different

“

I wonder if she found others like her she wouldn't feel so different?

I find a lot of peace in support groups with others dealing with the same struggles, in general parent groups I felt like everyone else could do basic stuff and I couldn't but in ND groups that basic stuff isn't basic, it's HARD stuff

I use loops sometimes and my DD 5yrs does too, both probably AuDHD but for now we have one Dx each.