Any advice or experience please?

[alittleone2]

Message withdrawn

Hi a little one....haven't got loads of advice for you I'm afraid, just some support and hugs.
TBH I don't think her problems will be overcome by a tutor and I think it's time to go and talk to your GP. I know what your dp is sayig about labelling, but I really don't think it matters if it gets you the support you need to help you dd.

sorry alo,... your dsd. Can you approach her gp?

Message withdrawn

If she is on school action they should be doing something over and above normal classroom differentiation. You should know what this is! You should have an IEP which details the problems that she has, and gives short term targets, how they plan to support her in achieving them and how they will recognise that they have been achieved. As I said on the other thread, school action plus involves further intervention and referral to other agencies. Again, you should have an IEP which sets this all out for you.

Your DP and her mum really need to get firm on the school about this. Speak to the SENCO and arrange an IEP meeting. Insist on a written IEP with porper targets. It isn't about labelling and you don't need any kind of diagnosis to get this kind of support from the school. If they are using the terms, then they should be following the guidelines.

TBH, given the other things you describe, I think I would also be talking to a GP.

Message withdrawn

a littleone2

I would also put your post onto the Special Needs forum of this website as you will get replies that way too.

School Action Plus in the circumstances that you describe for your DSD is not worth the paper its written on. It is not legally binding and is very limited in its scope (it will not address toileting problems for instance). Her needs as they are go way beyond what SA plus can do - she needs a Statement (legally binding document obtained from the LEA).

Her birth parents are doing her a huge disservice here by burying their respective heads in the sand. Denial is here and it is a powerful force. Your partner needs to be forcefully told it will not all go away by denying her learning difficulties. Labelling is the signpost to getting the child more help - he needs to look at it this way. It will get worse for this child the further she proceeds through the school system without support (she could end up getting permanently excluded). You are right in thinking that a tutor will not sort out her issues.

From your description of her difficulties as well she needs to be seen by a developmental paediatrician as a matter of urgency with a view to getting a diagnosis. The GP can refer you to such a person. Her birth parents (at the very least your partner) need to become more nvolved if this is not going to end badly in terms of her schooling.

She also needs a Statement of Special Needs with regards to her education because currently she is being sold well short here by the school. It is clear to me that they cannot deal with her whatsoever. A Statement is a legally binding document which provides the school with one to one funding for her.
It would not surprise me in the least to read either that no-one has mentioned the "Statement" word before now.

I think you should make an appointment with your own GP, go and talk through all her problems and see what he suggests. He might give you some pointers on how to deal with her behaviour but I think more importantly he will reinforce your opinion that dsd needs assessing and extra support and this might give your dp a wake up call .

You can have a meeting for an IEP but some schools do not encourage such meetings as it gives them more work. They can be very lax when it comes to doing such plans as you have seen. Also the problem you also have is that SA plus will not meet her needs particularly in the longer term.

He has not failed as a parent at all but he will fail her if proper help is not sought now. Labelling is a signpost to getting more help and getting her properly noticed. Her parents and you as her stepmum are her best - and only - advocates. No-one else is going to fight her corner for her.

SOS:SEN are very good re educational needs and they could offer support and advice too.

I would actually go to the Head at this point. It is utterly unacceptable to be told vaguely that there are some targets but no hard copy. You should be involved in setting the targets. Insist on a proper meeting with the class teacher and SENCO asap. Although TBH, if they have been this rubbish up until now I wonder whether they are really up to the job anyway.

But I agree with Atilla re the referral to a developmental paediatrician. It is a better route than the school-based one for any actual diagnosis. And this is not just confined to school difficulties is it?

Tell the school you're going to write to the LEA asap to apply for a Statement for your DSD. That should frighten them a bit.

Don't let school put you off at all if they disparage the idea of DSD having a Statement.

BTW there is nothing to stop you applying for such a document yourselves and you have far more power than school does in this regard. You, unlike them, can appeal in the event the LEA say no.

IPSEA are very good at the whole minefield that is the statementing process and there are model letters on there you can use - www.ipsea.org.uk.

Message withdrawn

It can cover anything that affects education, so behaviour too.

If you want to use my ds1 as an example to explain to your dh how a dx of sen can help please do - When he was 4 he was referred via my health visitor (but gp would do it too) to a paed and eventually dx with aspergers syndrome.
That dx has led to a lot of support in many ways. I see a psychologist who offers advice on behavioural difficulties ans supports how I parent him. A SALT sees him at school and advises the teacxher on his speech, but also his reading and anything to do with communication.. The school invites me to the termly iep meeting and he is allocated 6hrs explicit support a wewek (the school had to bid for that support and his dx would have helped that).All staff at school are aware of his dx so the lunch time supervisors and school secretary can recognise if he's getting anxious and alert his favourite ta or his teacher.
It must be very distressing for yuour dsd to be incontinent/tired/clumsy - I hope there are specialists who could help with that that the paed could refer you to.
My ds1 is very happy at school and there's no way he would be if people weren't aware of and working to support his problems.He is still difficult at home, but I have a wealth of advice from books/internet and so on -that his dx has led me to.

May I also add a few words here to perhaps supplement all the good advice before>

do not go to the IEP meeting alone - take someone that is seen to be taking notes!!

You should be asked to sign IEPs - insist on this and change anything you are not happy with (schools have a tendency to ensure all targets are achieved - if you can, prove a target has not been achieved)
IEPs are a bit limited in their use - schools tend to just pay 'lip service' to them HOWEVER, are a very good set of documents to produce at Tribunal to demonstrate lack of progress.

Call 0845 60 222 60 for a free copy of the 'Special Education Needs Code of Practice' DfES reference 581/2001
This is a mine of information regarding SEN and explains SA, SA+ and Statementing.

Also call SOS!SEN on 0208 538 3731 for free impartial advice and support.

Keep fighting!