Helping neighbour with ADHD child

[HumanbyDesign]

I've name changed for this as it is quite identifying to anyone who might know the family.

I have a neighbour who is struggling with her child with undiagnosed ADHD. We live on a cul de sac where the local kids can play out and about together quite safely so I know him quite well, and he is most definitely ADHD - always active and on the go, loves sports of any description but right now Very keen on football and his scooter (he is actually quite good at both!) and a lively, quick mind; he can be lovely and ADHD or no he could really flourish in the right environment.

Unfortunately however he also has an explosive temper when things don't go his way, resulting in him lashing out physically and effing and blinding horrifically at whoever he's with at the time - he has actually got better over the last couple of years as he matures but it is still Very much a background issue in his engagement with the other kids in the neighbourhood and they are understandably all quite wary of him! At least once a week someone bears the brunt of his temper and gets either whacked, pushed or sworn at in play(he honestly has worse language than most adults I know!), and It has resulted in most of the neighbourhood kids not wanting to engage with him at one time or another but they have still all managed to bundle along over the summer as they are all similar ages.

He also frequently clashes with his mum as she tries to assert boundaries and intervene in fall outs but due to undiagnosed issues herself - plus having 2 younger siblings - she just cannot handle him and they frequently argue (& I gather they have physical fights too).

Talking about him to his mum (& to him) I know he is also having issues at school where he has struggled since he started - first with speech and language (he had a speech impediment) and then with suspected dyslexia; he is also regularly in trouble there for his temper too. His teachers regularly struggle with him but don't seem to cut him any slack for his additional needs or to be helping with diagnosis.

He is just 8.

I really want to help him (& the whole family) as it's heartbreaking seeing him suffer the consequences of his disorder through no fault of his own but I don't know where to start? SS are already involved (at mum's request) but seem to be only focused on the wellbeing and safety of the younger siblings and don't seem to be at all interested in helping the boy.

Please help me help them! He could have an incredible future, but the way things are at the moment he will likely be in prison (or worse!) in 10 years ☹️

Apologies for rubbish grammar, etc, this has been swimming around in my head and I just needed to get it out 😂 was all I could do to put in paragraphs as it is long!!

He needs far closer supervision than he is receiving.

If the child’s mother is open to you helping, you could make a to do list of things that would help. For example:
-If DS isn’t already diagnosed, speak to GP &/or school about a referral. In some areas, you can self refer.
-If he is already diagnosed, and he is on medication, it needs reviewing.
-Apply for DLA - use the Cerebra guide.
-Speak to the school’s SENCO about what support and adjustments they are making/are going to make for DS.
-Request an EHCNA to pursue further support at school - use the model letter on IPSEA’s website.
-Push children’s services for more support. If there hasn't been formal assessments, request them - a carer’s assessment for DM and an assessment via the disabled children’s team for DC. Contact has model letters that can be used.
-If either younger sibling is under 5, contact Home Start to see if they can support the family.
-Depending on their age, speak to your local Young Carers service for siblings.

Thank you Bluebrick for such a comprehensive list! I am going to go through all this with his mum, it is just what we need.