Possible asd/ adhd/ neurology divergence

[DamitJamit]

I posted this on another page but think i might be better posting it here. Apologies if you read my other post.

I was wondering if anyone had any experience with a child like dd. In September dd nursery spoke to use about some concerns with her speech and socialisation and referred he to SALT and had an early year advisor come and see her. We had been planning to ask about it as we knew her speach was delayed and she hadn't suddenly caught up like we hoped she would. We had her salt appointment and they said there was moderate concern there but they felt it could be caused by lack of attention and focus.

We then has the early year appointment and she said she wonders if dd has either asd or adhd. They said she is obviously delayed I speach but also movement and that she didn't play with other children just next to them amongst several other things.

There is a history of both adhd and asd in my family and ds is currently going through diagnoses for suspected adhd so we had wondered about this too. Dd makes great eye contact, answers to her name about half the time and is very affectionate so we had ruled out autism but the advisor said girls are very good at masking. Is I possible to have asd but do those things?

Since the nursery have bought it up I'm noticing more things that I assume I had just over looked:

Dd has always done this thing where she tenses up and shakes her fists when she's excited (although nursery say she also does it when overwhelmed)

She pinches her finger together repetitively, quite often in front of her eyes.

She has extreme tantrums/meltdowns for hours at a time where nothing calms her.

She has always been obsessed with my hair, pulling bits out or chewing it and does the same with hers now it's long enough.

She will play with ds or me but mainly plays on her own and seems to prefer to.

She mainly flits from one activity to another quickly unless she wort of zones out whilst doing something she has chosen.

Sorry for the long read, I have an appointment with gp to ask to be referred but I know how long it can take and was wondering if anyone had a similar child Or does this sound like asd or adhd?

For more context on what I think might be meltdowns last night it took me 2 and a half hours to settle her to sleep (she sleeps in bed with me as unfortunately that's the only way to get her to settle) she was getting more and more upset. She just shouted no over and over and hit and kicked me and pulled my hair. She then woke up several more times throughout the whole of the night and did more of the same. She was arching her back and making herself stiff and throwing herself back down on the bed. I tried everything, light up, light off, move rooms. Eventually she would start to calm down if I sat with her on my lap in a really precise way, not too upright and not leaning too far back but it took a long time each time she woke.

Las night was an extreme version but she has these meltdown/tantrums at least a few times a week. Dh says he's never known a child like her but I can't help but think they're not normal tantrums

Hi,
I'm really new to this journey and none of my children have diagnoses yet so I'm not really an expert to answer your questions, but I wanted to give you a little reassurance. What I have found out so far is that a lot of symptoms of ADHD and ASD overlap. If you google 'ASD and ADHD' and look at the images (Venn diagram) you'll see.
Girls are typically better at masking the social 'symptoms' of ASD so yes they can make eye contact and they can smile and still have ASD.
Also, I would suggest you take a list of what you've noticed to to GP appointment (you could start with what you've listed here) and don't give up getting help-you're the Mum and you're the one with expert knowledge about your child.
Good luck