My autistic son is being bullied at school, help!

[Hampy]

My son is 13, high functioning ASD, full statement (0.8) and in mainstream high school. Over the past year he has been bullied continuously and his behaviour, anxiety levels and mental health has deteriorated. I have been to school almost weekly, offered suggestions, strategies and training for TA's. The school SENCO has tried really hard to help but the overall attitude now is that it is my son's fault. I want to find a special school for him but have been told it is unlikely for funding to be given for a special school and meetings take weeks to arrange, in the meantime he is now being bullied daily and threatening to run away. I am on my own with this, no partner or family support and at my wits end. Has anyone got any suggestions PLEASE??

I would play hardball now as you have tried your hardest to be good with the school. Write a letter or email to the head of SEN in your LEA (you can find out the name by going on their website). In it, say you have taken informal legal advice (you have, with all I've been through I'm practically a lawyer!). Tell them that you believe the way they are dealing with your son's terrible bullying experience is contrary to the Disability Discrimination Act, as to say that there is no more they can do and that it is his "fault" is to fail to take into account his special educational needs , eg autism, and to act as if he were the same as all the other kids. Clearly he will have far fewer strategies to cope with bullying than the average kid, due to his autism! If I were you, I would then remove him from the school and ask for homework for you to work on with him at home until your case is dealt with. The other thing to do is to ring SOS SEN, which is a charity which can advise you. Marion, who runs it, would scare the LEA and the school into treating you right. It's my belief that once you've written the letter/email as above, and asked for a review of your son's needs with a view to possible change to a special school, you are within your rights to remove him from a potentially dangerous situtation. Say also that he is threatening to run away and that you fear for his mental health. They KNOW that once you've put all this in writing, they stand to be in serious legal trouble if something very bad happens to your son. But on a human level, take him home and educate him at home rather than put him through bullying. I used to be a teacher and can help you with home ed in English, Maths etc. Good luck, I really feel for you! Just thought though, you probably work, but is there a friend who could stay at home with him for a while? Where are you based?

SOS SEN telephone number is 0208 979 8853. Please do ring them, they will help I'm sure. Your story makes all my worries about my ASD DS going to secondary school come true - I would take him out in an instant as he just wouldn't have the wherewithal to deal with bullying. Copy your email to the SENCO, but don't worry if she takes it personally - you are basically going way above her head and above the LEA's head - to your son's legal rights. The fact is that under the DDA (Disablity Discrimination Act) a school MUST take a child's SEN into account when formulating strategies. They can't use the same strategies as they would for a normal child and hope for the best. He either needs special school or a permanent TA, at breaktimes in particular as that will be the worst time for bullying. Give your DS a big kiss from me and my DS and DD!

Hampy, I second you phoning SOSSEN. They are currently helping me and they are fantastic.

That is fab. Thank you guys. I have e-mailed sossen and will write a letter to LEA tomorrow.
ancientmiddleagedmum-I live in Devon. The home schooling sounds great. The only problem is I am doing a degree, I'm nearly at the end of my first year but have had to get an extension for my coursework due to the amount of time I am spending on these issues.I am definately considering taking DS out of school but have been worried about getting into trouble for doing so, once I have sent these letters though I guess I can justify it so that advice has been briliant.
Also, we don't have a keyworker from social services, I have always had temporary workers and the current one is pretty good but newly qualified and very inexperienced in special needs matters-do you know if I have any right to request more support? If anyone can think of anything else, I am willing to try anything at this point. Thanks again guys

bumping for you

Can your Son use a computer, as I think you can do quite a lot of home education on-line, and that would give you freedom to get on with your coursework? In our borough there is a special social worker for SEN so I don't know much about what you can do there. The other thing you could do is post on the Home Education thread on mumsnet, as there are people on there who know EVERY LEGAL IN AND OUT of home education and who are very very helpful. Good luck, I am glad you are writing to the LEA. I think that my son may have been given autism, but he's also been given a stubborn fighter of a mum to make sure no-one takes advantage of him, and it sounds like the same is true for your DS!

Thanks ancientmiddleagedmum, I will definately check out the home school stuff. I will keep posting how I get on as i'm sure the info will be helpful, hope you don't have the same problems when your DS goes to high school but its good to know us stubborn fighters can stick together.

I know I am going to have the same problems as you Hampy, in fact I think the only way I'll get a decent secondary school for my DS is if I set one up myself! But then I'm just too tired and too old I think. Let me know how you get on x

So the school has already provided a member of staff to be his key worker? He has a room to go to at breaks with an adult present to talk to if he needs to? There's a member of SMT aware of the issues and reporting back to you? The school SENCO has identified his difficulties on his IEP and you feel that they are meeting his needs?
If not, feel free to be the bigest PITA they have seen - because if you are not his advocate, no one else will be! You sound like you're ready to do battle - good on you!
Keep a written record of each day according to him and according to the school, and challenge them on anything you feel unsure about. He shouldn't have to come into contact with the bullies. Photograph any physical injuries and date them. Speak to the head and tell him/her that they have a week in which to give you adequate solutions to the problem, or you will be forced to remove your child from school until the LEA respond to your formal complaint! Copy any letters to the chair of governors and the SENCO - you do need the SENCO on your side!
I think I would want to remove my child for a while, just to give him a break from the stress. I expect he has Y9 SATs approaching? Definitely wouldn't hurt to have a break and revise at home!!

Hi. SOS SEN are brill. Also the NAS have an advocacy service. I also used an advocate who is brilliant - she charges but not that much compared to a solicitor. If you want to know her name then bung a message on the Parents with SEN board and I will get back to you.

I've just come across this thread.
We have deregistered our three children who all have SEN over seven years ago and have been home educating since then.
I run a local home ed support group and website and have found an increasing number of families are taking this path-and very many of them because of difficulties with schools and their managing the child's SEN.

If you have any questions about home ed-here or over on the Home ed section.

Also have a look at Home education Special Needs a website for families who are home educating or thinking of home educating their children who have SEN.
They have an HE Special Needs email support list and the people on that list are brilliant for everything you could possible want to know about home educating children like yours and mine.
I cannot rate them highly enough.

I knew nothing about home education, until we were frantically looking around for an alternative for our children-and then I found it was like Alice going through the 'Looking Glass' -there was a whole world of supportive home educators that i knew nothing about.

My sons story re bullying in school, was much the same as yours-Home Education has made such a difference to our children's lives-happy people live in our house now.
If I can help in any way I will

I have just sent an 8 page report to the LEA/CSET demanding that my DS has a statement review and we identify a specialist placement for him (I am frantically visiting special schools as we speak, the only problem is most are either unsuitable or full!)
I think I have a battle ahead and will definately look into home educating as an option. The only problem with that is I don't really want to give up my degree course, but if that is what it takes....!

TAKE HIM OUT OF SCHOOL AND TEACH HIM YOURSELF, THIS IS REALLY GOING TO AFFECT HIS LIFE IN THE FUTURE, IF IT HASN'T ALREADY