Struggling a bit with everything / Autistic son

[Namechangingagain87]

My son is 6, and has been diagnosed with Austism.

Today we got ready for the park and made our way downstairs (we live in a flat) and DS was making noises (he is non verbal) and the neighbor from downstairs' grandson who is about 4, said "why's he doing that?" And his grandma (our neighbor) said "he always makes funny noises" - I ignored it as she said it as the main door was closing and ds was excited to get to the park

In the past DS was walking with us and suddenly pulled away, tried to run off and tripped over. This happened infront of the neighbor just outside her flat. She just stood there staring at us till we walked away. 2 days later we heard her talking to another neighbor saying "it's common sense though, why have kids if you can't control them?" And the neighbor even said "he is Autistic I think" our patio was open so heard it from upstairs, we ignored it

2 months after we moved into the flat, we were playing with a soft ball and as it was hot, we had the patio open. The ball ended up on our balcony and rolled out and landed downstairs. This was the first time anything of ours fell down and she said to her husband "we aren't having this, anyhow this becomes regular I am binning whatever shit comes from up there" - I apologised for the ball and they were just silent. Didn't say anything at all when I went to pick it up

I feel so on edge all the time now as when we are sitting on the balcony, I worry if ds makes noises it will disturb their peace, I worry when he plays with his toys in the day that they'll make a noise complaint etc, or if I hang my washing up I worry a sock might drop downstairs - I put pegs on them but still

We have said Good morning/hello to them everytime we see them and they will ignore us. Their neighbors just moved in with a new baby and they were saying if they need anything they can knock at anytime so it's not a case of they hate kids in general but it breaks my heart that they can be so rude for no reason.

I just needed a place to vent really.

Sorry subject should have been more about the neighbor. I guess I am struggling because it's like we try so hard day to day to be alright and then comments like that just hurt

Could you write them a letter?
along the lines of .. life’s hard enough we are trying our best to keep noises etc down but my son is autistic and try and make her understand by reminding her gently.

If she was silent when you went to get your ball my guess is she’s just venting , but she doesn’t have any experience of this.
It’s ignorance really but it’s difficult to blame someone when they’ve never come across having or being around a disabled child.

My gut instinct would be to fly off and shout, confront her every time and tell her to get an education ignorant cow, saying this is hard enough, but you will only matters worse doing that and upset yourself.
Take the high road and put it in a letter.

@Lesley25 that's a good idea, I think I will post a note because it's getting too much. They make a comment about every little thing when it comes to us and our son but they don't mind anybody else. It does feel like discrimination at times.

I have felt really angry and wanted to say something about educating herself but then I left it because we are renting and she seems the type to find any excuse to complain

Honestly she sounds like a total nob.

you don’t need to explain yourself, your son, or your life to anybody. Unfortunately there is judgmental people out there, and it’s unlucky you have one as a neighbour. I would tell her in future to mind her own business. God forbid it’s ever her family who has additional needs.

as far as her complaining, do you rent privately or with the council?
I would start documenting all of the comments she keeps making towards yourself and your son, as no one on the planet of the earth will tolerate someone like that, like a pp said its ignorance. . Atleast then if she ever does make a malicious complaint etc you have back up.

you are well in your rights to post a note etc if you want to avoid face to face confrontation. But again, document everything you’ve written to her just incase.

@sand27 thank you for your advice. We will certainly keep everything documented. We are renting privately. Everyone else is really nice and will smile/say hello, and even when she talks about us to other neighbors I can tell they don't want to be a part of it and will just cut the conversation short. She really is a nasty piece of work

sorry to hear about the discrimination your family has been facing in the block of flats. Boy am I glad not to live in flats anymore - the drama! It's completely normal and understand that you feel uncomfortable around her, anyone would. She herself would feel the same way in your shoes but she's too dim to think of how her behaviour could be hurtful. She is being unreasonable and immature. Really shocks you sometimes how the petty vindictiveness you can say within cliques at high school can carry on with some people well into adulthood. tactless miserable person. You're doing a great job! Continue advocating for your child's rights and wellbeing, as well as prioritising your own self-care, you should not have to walk on egg shells for this person. Remember that you and your child are valued and belong in your community and belong in the world! From personal experience dealing with an unpleasant neighbour, it’s easy to fall into a cycle of negative self-talk and become trapped in your own home. If you find yourself tell yourself things like, "I can’t stand this," or "I’ll never be able to deal with this." Instead, try to turn the negative thoughts into useful ones that don't bog you down. You Have to be your own suppoet system and friend! Tell yourself, "I can handle this," or "I am strong and capable," or "I can do hard things." Etc.
Try and get out and about see people as much as you can. Good luck to you both 🍀

@ReginaldUmbridge thank you so much for your kind words and your advice is really useful because it is true that I do find myself saying things like "I can't deal with it anymore, let's get out of here". I will now replace that narrative with a more positive one. I know small things like that can really change your mindset and outlook.

The sun is out today, Patio is open and I will certainly allow DS to play and enjoy the fresh air on the balcony with me. She is sitting downstairs with her husband, but I won't allow her to make me feel intimidated anymore. We have every right to be on our balcony without worrying about every little noise especially during the daytime