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Here you'll find advice from parents and teachers on special needs education.

How do you cope?

7 replies

Homey0293 · 17/10/2023 16:56

My 7 year old DS is being referred for ASD/ADHD hopefully by the school. He’s been referred 3 times before but we’ve always moved before we get to be seen husband is in the military 🙈.

Hes hard work. Like this child gets up at 7am and is on the go till about 10pm at night. He sleep walks and talks. And we are usually walking him back to bed in the middle of the night.

Meal times are a nightmare. It usually ends with him crying or getting angry over what ever we have cooked or put out. We’ve just gotten out of the habit of him eating tomato pasta and sandwiches (which was his diet for about 6 months).

School is a complete nightmare. He can’t sit still, he’s constantly annoying his classmates, he spends his days crying and “kicking off”(he’s not aggressive just emotional) in the corner of the classroom. Refusing to do any work because the work is too hard or class is to noisy. does not understand social cues/ plays along side his peers but not with them. He’s a bright boy, was delayed in his speech and milestones. Talks just fine, in fact he doesn’t stop talking now 😂. Has always been about 6-12 months behind his peers. They are considering 1-1 support, moving to a learning centre (not sure what that is). (We are in Scotland)

we can’t leave the house without him running into the road, refusing to walk, or just crying saying he wants to go home. Doesn’t matter if we are at the zoo or a shop it’s the same reaction.

Hes been seen by genetics, countless doctors due to his medical history. I’m at a loss at what to do.

Does it sound like he could have asd/adhd? Any tips on how to keep him active but less of the meltdowns. How do you cope and not loose your mind being a sen parent? Because I feel like the whole world is just sat watching me try to parent this badly behaved boy 🙈.

Any help would be appreciated!

OP posts:
YellowRosesWithRedTips · 17/10/2023 17:19

It could be ASD &/or ADHD, either way DS needs more support so a referral is the right thing to do.

Have you tried melatonin?

For the eating, have you looked at ARFID?

Does DS use noise cancelling headphones/ear defenders? Have a look at Enquire for support with navigating the school system in Scotland.

When leaving the house, think about where and when DS can cope with. Shopping or the Zoo on a busy day would be overwhelming for many DC with additional needs and it sets them up to fail. Some find ear defenders/noise cancelling headphones, sunglasses and a big hoody helpful. Others find a SN buggy or wheelchair reduces the overwhelm.

Do you have ways of keeping DS active (and aid sensory and emotional regulation) at home? For example, a trampoline and swing etc.

SalmonWellington · 17/10/2023 17:20

Ok. First of all it matters and doesn't matter if he is ND (neurodivergent) or not. It matters because it can help him understand himself, find a community, etc... It does NOT matter in terms of support (other than for meds for ADHD or entry into some autism schools). Support should be on the basis of needs. Needs are often identified more easily from an ed psych/occupational therapy/salt report than from a diagnosis anyway. It's damn hard to get good ones without paying and altogether they cost over 5k.

(My own theory is that a lot of what helps with autism/adhd parenting is just good parenting. So no rewards, punishments, star charts and behaviour plans - they barely work for dogs.)

I love the Ross Greene/CPS approach because the first time I switched from telling DS off for doing X to saying 'Hey, you found situation X hard - what was going on' we went from fighting on different sides to working as a team to find solutions. Plus, because it became his job as much as mine to think about what he found hard and why and what to do about it.

Other things for the short term - if you have some money (tens or hundreds not thousands) to spare you could try a wobble cushion, wobble board, ear defenders, loop ear plugs, pop up tent for classroom...

Don't worry too much about food. Put something on his plate he's ok to eat and something he can try.

Melatonin for sleep?

Good luck. He sounds like a nice kid.

SalmonWellington · 17/10/2023 17:22

Also - apply for DLA. Use the Cerebra guide. Money makes everything easier.

YellowRosesWithRedTips · 17/10/2023 17:30

It is CDP in Scotland now, not DLA.

PassageDEnfer · 17/10/2023 17:55

Sounds tough. If it is a neurodevelopmental issue like ASD and/or ADHD then you are looking at distress and discomfort caused by poor fit with the environment, and a lot of the ways to alleviate that tend to be around modifying the environment and reducing the expectations placed on DC until they are tolerable/within their actual capacity. School and family life may need some reorganising, and you may need to show yourself and DC compassion when when things need to be a bit different (judgey types will just need to mind their own business!). Good luck.

Homey0293 · 17/10/2023 19:20

Thank you for your replies!

We do have ear defenders for him that we regularly take out with us. But never really thought of a big hoodie and sunglasses. He always complains about wind and rain making him itchy. (Scottish weather is terrible atm 😂). So I might take that on board and buy him some oversized stuff to help.

We haven’t tried anything really for sleep as tbh it’s been difficult to get any help. We were in Cornwall for a little while and the whole focus was on his medical needs. He’s a lot shorter than his classmates, in fact his age group. So we’ve had OT in to get equipment for school. And he does go to a club that helps with social interaction and lots of work around balance and core strength which was picked up on their observation. But whenever I mentioned asd/adhd it’s been pushed to the side a little. Which is fine. I’m not really pushing for a diagnosis however it could help a little with getting him support if he does need it.

We did go out today and buy a balance board and an indoor trampoline (garden is tiny). In the hope it would help him to burn off some energy. Just to give us a little peace without him jumping off the top of his bed. He has a mid sleeper. Or using my sofa as a climbing frame 😂.

we we’re going to apply for DLA when we lived in cornwall. Didn’t because I felt awful about applying for money without a diagnosis. Stupid really 🙈.

He has such a cheeky personality, really funny. Which I’m sad people aren’t really seeing. As he’s struggling so much. Hopefully the school can access some support and he finally settles down.

OP posts:
YellowRosesWithRedTips · 17/10/2023 19:38

Apply for CDP, you don’t need a diagnosis.

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