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Here you'll find advice from parents and teachers on special needs education.

Help. Autistic 3 year old

5 replies

sadhappylife · 10/10/2023 22:17

My 3 year old is on the autism pathway. As a baby I look back now and he was fairly easy, always smiling and happy. From the age of 1 and a half-2 things have been hard. I have no safe place to talk about this but I feel like I don’t have a bond with him anymore. He hates me! He always hits out at me. Across the face as well and it really hurts. He refuses to do anything like tidy up, pick anything up if he drops it. It’s like it physically hurts him to be told to do anything and he screams. I am ‘grieving’ the child I imagined, I’m grieving him as a baby when he faced no difficulties. I feel like I am not the parent I thought I’d be. I’d love nothing more to take him shopping or for a drink and cake..the cinema. Just something. He runs away, doesn’t listen, he would happily walk into oncoming traffic. He has a horrific piercing scream which scares other children. Can’t use reins as he refuses to walk if I dare go in the opposite direction to what he had planned in his head. Things are getting harder. I’m at a loss. I don’t know how to manage his behaviour. I feel like I’m failing him. At the moment no one can come to our house because he screams when anyone comes in that’s not us. He refused to get in the car before because his grandad was in the car as we were giving him a lift. No one else can physically mind him apart from my mum and I want to work more hours apart from the 10 hours a week I do. Full days of nursery are too much. He only does 9-12 4 days a week. Do things get easier? Does anyone have any strategies they perhaps used? His understanding is not the best but not bad. For example he doesn’t understand why we can’t do things so if a shop is shut he won’t understand it’s shut but he understands get me your shoes.
His speech is purely single words and not a lot. Thank you x

OP posts:
YellowRosesWithRedTips · 11/10/2023 13:27

DS doesn’t hate you. He is overwhelmed and you are his safe person.

For getting out of the house, do you have a buggy?

For the car, do you have a crelling harness?

Some people find PDA strategies helpful. Others find The Explosive Child book helpful.

Does DS have an EHCP? Is he receiving SALT and OT support?

sadhappylife · 11/10/2023 14:02

Thank you for getting back to me @YellowRosesWithRedTips
I just need to keep telling myself I am his safe person and so is our house which is why he wants no one in there. I will add he does let my parents and grandparents in the house but that’s where it ends. I have a 2 year old as well so we have two buggies, it’s hard managing them both outside! He isn’t too bad in the car to be honest I think we are fine without a crelling harness. It was just because his grandad was in the car with us so he didn’t want to get in. He eventually got in and cried the whole time but how do you say to someone sorry we can’t give you a lift. I switch between he will have to get on with it to but he feels distressed by it so he doesn’t have to…I will definitely check them books out! I love a good read, Colleen Hoover usually 😂 no he doesn’t have a Echp and on the waiting list for SALT. No OT support either. Feel pretty alone with it all

OP posts:
YellowRosesWithRedTips · 11/10/2023 14:30

Can you work with DS to work out exactly why he doesn’t like others in the house or car? For example, if it because of the noise you can then look at things to help with this e.g. ear defenders or noise cancelling headphones and warning grandad it won’t be a journey with lots of talking and no talking to DS.

You can request an EHCNA yourself - on their website IPSEA has a model letter you can use. Is DS attending nursery? What support are they providing?

Another book which some find helpful for sensory difficulties is The out of sync child.

sadhappylife · 11/10/2023 20:07

My side of the family parents/grandparents have done most of the babysitting have we ever needed them minding. The odd time DP’s mum has minded them in our house but I recently started a new job and one of the days I work is a Saturday so DP asked his sister if he could mind them as a one off. He has such a strong attachment with DP (his dad) so when he dropped them off, DS cried and we think it’s like he’s traumatised! Now whenever his sister visits us or if we visit her, he is terrified we are going to leave him. Now it’s the same with everyone aside from my parents/grandparents as he doesn’t mind being left with them. He tells visitors ‘bye’ and gives them a kiss on the cheek so they go! @YellowRosesWithRedTips

He attends nursery 4 days a week of an AM. They do a few strategies with him such as visual aids, sabotage strategies. Building towers to promote turn taking. They do a few other things but nothing that I think work. He still doesn’t follow nursery routine like carpet time, doesn’t share, I don’t think he has any friends 😭 They are going to sort the EHCP for me after half term

OP posts:
YellowRosesWithRedTips · 11/10/2023 20:57

Don’t wait until after half term to apply for an EHCP. It takes time and you don’t wait to delay. In the meantime, do they receive early years inclusion funding for DS? Do they offer anything like sensory circuits?

Would other family be willing to do several short visits? To show DS you aren’t going to leave him with them.

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