How to support child at school

[Kalodin]

Firstly I know I'm likely to get the "home school" him then, but I cannot afford to do this. I honestly have no idea how people do. So please don't talk to me about home schooling, it brings me to tears the amount of people in the SEN communities that keep insinuating I'm a shit mum for not doing that already and that I should "just accept you need to sell your house" or "kids don't need holidays they need safe spaces".... except we can't afford to sell and downsize to a 2 bed apartment (have people seen the mortgage issues atm!?) And we don't have holidays beyond 1 camping holiday a year anyway.

Sorry for that start to the OP.

Anyway, son is 6 years old, in year 2 now, and whilst there was improvement over the course of year 1 at getting him to school on time and with less tears compared to Reception when he used to curl himself around the school gate bars and refuse to let go, the start of Year 2 has been challenging.

I appreciate its a new term. There have been changes etc.

My concern is that my son is realising that I cannot force him to go to school. Even if I did agree with using physical force to get him there, I couldn't anyway.

Is there a way I can make mornings easier for him? Encourage him to want to go to school? Support him in making that choice?

Does DS have an EHCP? If so, you need an early review with a view to amending the EHCP to better meet DS’s needs. What support does it include and does it have any therapies in? If he doesn’t have an EHCP you should request an EHCNA - on their website IPSEA has a model letter you can use.

What support is the school currently providing? Have you spoken to the SENCO? Could you arrive/leave school 5/10 mins early via a quieter entrance? Is there a key person that can meet him each meeting? Does the school have a quiet room he could go to? How are you getting to school? Can DS communicate what it is about school he struggles with/doesn’t like?

Thank you for replying.

We haven't a EHCP yet, I had asked school previously and they said they don't beleive it's worth us applying for one because "he is just a naughty child".

However, I am hoping that they'll change their stance on this considering he is recently diagnosed with ASD.

But in all honesty I haven't a clue what to request to help him, I shall check out the IPSEA as you suggest though.

DS struggles to communicate big emotions and when I ask him (I do wait until he is calm) he just gets really upset and says he just wants to kill everyone there.

Do request an EHCNA yourself. You don’t need the school to agree, and you don’t need to know exactly what support DS needs. Does the school have anyone who can support emotional literacy work and anything like Zones of Regulation. They must make their best endeavours to meet DS’s SEN. Have you spoken to the SENCO? Follow up verbal conversations with emails so you have a paper trail as evidence in case you need it.

Unfortunately the SENCO has been no help at all. We did have some "Team and the Family" meetings but they kept telling us things like "make sure you expose your son to books and crafts at home"..... (we share books all the time, have an arts and crafts station and we love joining in with our son's play).

Also the SENCO hasn't called us back or replied to our emails this year yet.

Part of me is wondering what the SENCO even does or is there for.

I have found the website you suggested really useful and its led me to a local charity where there were loads of really useful tools to help start conversations visually with DS. Thank you for that.

Hoping those will help us understand how to help him better.

If the SENCO is ignoring you escalate to the HT.

The HT is already aware and unfortunately really isn't supportive.

I do keep thinking we should move schools, we nearly did last year. But DS does seem to have a couple of friends and I think surely it be worse relocating him

Starting points for a conversation with the sendco could be asking about zones of regulation - helps with emotional regulation. Or any kind of emotional literacy. Going in early / late in the morning to avoid the noisy and crowded start to the day. Having a regular member of staff greet him and take him to class. Having visual timetables as home and school so he knows what is happening and when.

Also gently trying to figure what exactly he is worried about. Is it the classroom environment generally, or the other kids, or having to change for pe? Sensory triggers?

I find having a conversation that begins with "my child is struggling with..." and goes on to " how can WE work together to support him?" Sets the tone.

Also have a look at your LA or academy's ordinarily available inclusive practice document - this is what LAs say should be provided by schools as standard where needed. There will be ideas for whatever things he is finding challenging - ask school if they are doing this and if not, why not?

If the HT is ignoring you follow the formal complaints policy. Remind the school they must make their best endeavours to meet a pupils SEN under s66 CAFA 2024 and they must make reasonable adjustments under the Equality Act. Keep everything in writing. If you are going to request an EHCNA I would hold tight in the current school if possible whilst you get an EHCP.