How would you take this comment?

[eatdrinkandbemerry]

Basically we are on the asd pathway and in the process of going for an EHCP assessment.
Child has problems in all areas but especially forming relationships with everyone and a TA has been asked by school to become child's safe person to make child feel comfortable enough to attend.
I've met the Ta once for a quick hello and we spoke a couple of sentences but she said " I will tell you now I won't be babying your child ".
I'm now pissed off that school think I do and that's what's causing child's problems .
How would that comment make you feel as i want to know I'm not overthinking because it's upset me .

I wouldn't assume she's reflecting wider views in school and I would wonder if she was nervous and it came out wrong. I would however be seeking a longer conversation fairly urgently to find out what she meant and to assure myself she understood my child's needs and had the capacity to interact in an attuned way.

If DC needs a secondary attchment figure at school to feel safe, then that figure being nurturing is pretty important. Kids with ASD often are 3 or so years behind in terms of emotional development, and interacting as though they were a young child is usually appropriate and desirable.

That's what I was thinking 🤔
I need to get a more fuller picture of her as a person because honestly she came across as very cold and dare I say didn't really believe in a child having needs different to others.
I get the impression this is the whole school view also sadly as child has been treated as a naughty child for the last two years!

Sorry to hear that - that's not good at all. Do you have any highly skilled professionals involved who are guiding school? How old is DC?

Child is 9.
Ed psych
Salt
Autism outreach all involved and school have referred for asd assessment themselves but they still punish child for identified but unsupported needs!
I feel like I'm constantly disagreeing with school but nothing changes and it's making child worse.

That sounds very difficult. How's DC's mental health holding up?

Is the EP giving school any helpful direction?

Child's mental health is quite fragile and occasionally results in self inflicted injuries.
Ed psych is going to fully assess next week and agrees with myself that child is masking lots of challenges.
Amazing senco but lacks classroom level support or consistency.
It's heartbreaking and very frustrating.

Sorry to hear this. Sounds like the EP report is an opportunity for requirements to consistently provide attuned and nurturing support, and the inappropriateness (and potential unlawfulness) of punishing developmental deficits, to be spelt out. In your shoes, I'd be direct with EP about your concerns and the points you think that need to be clear to school, including the need for reasonable adjustments.

If what's happening (or not happening) in school is contributing to DC's fragility and self-harm, have you considered, a) finding a new school, or b) rapidly escalating your concerns about lack of consistency in meeting DC's needs and the impact on health and wellbeing to Headteacher and SEND/Diversity & Equality lead Governor (assuming you have one)? It is potentially unlawful indirect discrimination arising from a disability to punish a child for behaviour arising from a disablity (definition of which is not dependent on diagnosis).

The IPSEA helpline may be a good resource to discuss compliance with SEND legislation, and the EASS helpline provides expert support on Equality Legislation, including model letters. Safeguarding may be an issue to consider here to?

I second asking the school for a meeting (then following up with an email so you have a paper trail as evidence - do this for every verbal interaction, including the conversation with the TA). The TA doesn’t sound the right person to be DC’s safe person if they don’t realise there is a difference between babying a child and supporting a child’s SEN. It is a bit like the uneducated argument that research shows 1:1 causes dependence (so a 1:1 won’t be provided to promote independence) when that misrepresents the research which actually showed a well trained 1:1 deployed correctly was helpful.

When you say you are in the process of going for an EHCP assessment, has an EHCNA been formally requested? Is the EP assessment part of the EHCNA or have you been fed the line, as many are, that an EP assessment is required before an EHCNA request is made to the LA?

What support is the school currently providing? They must make their best endeavours to meet a pupil’s SEN.

I wouldn’t find a new school mid EHCP process. The LA is likely to use the new school as a reason to refuse to assess/issue by e.g. saying we need to see how DC settles in first. Which although unlawful would add time appealing which may (although no guarantee you wouldn’t have to appeal anyway) be avoidable /less likely by staying put whilst going through the process. However, that doesn’t mean DC has to attend school if they can’t. If DC can’t attend school because of their SEN/MH the LA has a duty to provide provision.

Yes the EHCP assessment has been accepted and the Ed psych assessment is part of this.
I've been through the whole special school/EHCP process with the child's older sibling but he was much more severely impacted and it was all plain sailing.
This child has greater needs but masks amazingly but it's still obvious to people that they have a lot of needs.
I've already had words with all SLT about punishing unsupported but identified needs and it's only the second week of term!
So I'm definitely going to call a meeting as I'm not happy x
Cheers for the help ladies it's sometimes helpful to get a perspective from others as I know I'm right but emotions can get in the way .

Good luck OP. Yes, one of the insidious aspects of this whole set-up is the gas lighting and accompanying self-doubt.