I'm in desperate need of advice. Our 6 year old is awaiting diagnosis of ADHD but I'm running into issues with his school. We are in Scotland if that's relevant.
There is a child in his class who he has been butting heads with since nursery (so going in 4 years now). It's become very clear to us and the school this child is the instigator and our son is retaliating physically, which of course is wrong and needs to be dealt with, but the school seem unwilling to address the real issue of him being bullied. If they prevented that then he wouldn't feel the need to retaliate and there would be no issues.
The lack of impulse control and the need to feel justified and get even are classic symptoms of ADHD but I had to educate the school about that last night. I cannot get them to see that we are doing our best but when someone is in his face calling him names, getting in his personal space and forcibly restraining him from getting adult help then of course he is going to lash out or defend himself and the best solution all round is to deal with the bullying and everything else will resolve itself.
He doesn't behave like this at home. We respect his space, know his triggers and work with him not against him but the school want him to develop impulse control now and are now threatening with keeping him in at break and lunch time which for a child with ADHD is a necessity.
Because he reacts they are not dealing with the bullying and are instead focussing on his reactions.
I have not slept and spent most of last night crying because I feel so helpless and lost. He is an amazing sweet little boy. I spoke to him again this morning asking him to stay away from this girl and try his best not to lash out but he just cried saying he really did try but she would not leave him alone and he couldn't get away from her.