What the fluff am I going to do? School refusing already.

[QuackQuackMoo]

New year 7 starter child with ASC. Very anxious but masks better than a Hollywood star. Minimal issues in primary school.

She moved to secondary school last week and the wheels have come off completely.
One day last week she had an awful meltdown and was exhausted afterward. The following day, she would not respond when it was time to get up for school. She lay in her bed, still as a log and would not move. Frantic requests from me to get her up but she just lay there under the covers and would not move. She remained there until a whole hour after school had started. The same thing happened again today.

She has an EHCP and her school have been helpful. Is this the start of a slippery slope? Should I shout and scream to get her up? She seems extremely sad and withdrawn.

How do others handle school refusal?

My mum says I’m too soft with her but I could not get her to get up.

Don’t shout and scream. Forcing a distressed child into school like that is counterproductive and harmful.

What support is in the EHCP? Is it being provided? Have you spoken to the SENCO? Did DD have an enhanced transition? Can DD communicate what it is she is struggling with? When DD has managed to attend how is she getting to/from school?

@OvertakenByLego She doesn’t act distressed, but just lies there and won’t move or respond. I think this is some sort of emotional shut down so the same thing as being distressed?

The EHCP is being followed and she has time out breaks, some TA time for social support, interventions for therapy and other things. She can leave class whenever she needs to and go to the quiet room. She doesn’t need help with her work as she is ok with that.

She says it’s too busy and loud and she can’t find friends. She does have lots of sensory problems. My mum takes her to and from school.

I’m worried she’s going to miss out on so much for the start of school.

I don’t know if I should abandon ship and request a SEN school. Is it too early for that? I’m worried about MH long term but there are no SEN schools here who could meet her academic abilities but would be excellent for her MH , social skills and general happiness.

A shutdown can be a sign of distress, just like a meltdown.

Does the EHCP include sensory OT and some kind of MH therapy? Is DD moving between lessons 5 mins early or late to avoid the rush? Is she arriving at 10/15 mins early or late to avoid the crowds? Is there a quieter space she can access at break and lunchtime? Does DD use noise cancelling headphones or ear defenders? Is there support to help DD find friends?

Sadly, some DC find the sensory environment in secondary too overwhelming even which adjustments. If you get to a point where you want to look at alternative placements, you would need to request an early review. Unfortunately, the LA doesn't have to agree to hold one and there’s no right of appeal if that happens, so you would either have to wait for the AR or request a reassessment of needs. Some make SS work even if they can’t cater for DC’s academic needs because MH is more important and academics can also come later. Some have top up tuition included in their EHCP. You could also consider an indie MS if there is a small, nurturing one nearby. Or there is EOTAS if nothing else is appropriate.

If DD’s inability to attend school carries on the LA is responsible for ensuring DD receives provision. This should begin once it becomes clear 15 days will begin. The days don’t need to have already been missed or consecutive. Anything detailed, specified and quantified in F must be provided too.

@OvertakenByLego she does have MH and sensory interventions along with hall passes to leave classes. I can’t pin down exactly what she is struggling with and neither can she.

We have an annual meeting coming up in November and I’m not sure what to do. If the absences continue, do I ask for a SEN provision or do I keep going and hope she settles. It’s so difficult to decide especially as I know she will lose out academically in the SEN schools near to us (but will probably be very happy and nurtured there). I wish I had a crystal ball.

When you say DD has MH and sensory interventions are they interventions delivered by school staff or are they direct therapy sessions delivered by a HCP?

It is incredibly difficult, by November you should know more about whether DD can cope at the school once she has settled after the transition or if the environment isn’t going to work for DD.

In the meantime, if it becomes clear DD is going to miss 15 days the LA must ensure she receives a suitable full time education. They must ensure anything detailed, specified and quantified in F of the EHCP is provided too.

Sorry to hear this OP. Sounds enormously stressful for both you and your daughter. This happens A LOT in transition to secondary for our kids, so please try and understand this should be well understood by school, and if it isn't there are resources they can be pointed to if this doesn't settle down and get better this half term.

Schools seem to vary a lot in how understanding they are. You need to be really clear with them if you think this is ASD-related anxiety and therefore needs to be treated and recorded as a health-related absence, rather than as unauthorised absence. I would advise you to check register codings (should be code I for health/illness related absences).

Good luck to you both; this can be navigated in mainstream for some children, but school need to be prepared to be flexible and compassionate. Mental health is precious. Long term problems can be caused by not respecting the limits of children's ability to cope. DC is telling you this limit has been exceeded - don't let anyone sway you from trusting what she is telling you and supporting her.