I initially posted this on the Parenting page but withdrew it as I was very upset at several responders choosing to tell me it was my 'fault', 'poor parenting', that I 'have no backbone' and my children are suffering as a result.
Luckily, some other responders were super supportive with great tips and one suggested I post here so fingers tentatively crossed this goes better... I'll also try to iterate it even more clearly too to help
My child is lovely but we but admittedly rather too open with their emotions. I am wondering if we need to look into this further but that's a whole other post.
My current focus is birthdays. They get so excited and then on the day it feels like nothing can meet their lofty expectations. So that feels why do many presents seem to be a let down. They can get very upset, ask for it all to be sent back, feeling super guilty about it in the process.
The next day, they usually come around and have even come to 'love' the presents in question, sometimes I think that's true, sometimes I do sense it's clearly just an effort to allay the prior meltdown. That said, they take themselves away for the meltdown (just not aware how obvious this is and how we can tell or even hear).
It's always been this way. They are now in their teens. It's so hard to watch and so hideous for them too.
It doesn't seem to be 'birthday stress' as they are so excited in advance. It doesn't seem to be lack of coping with surprises as they ask for surprises and love surprises otherwise. If doesn't seem to be the stress of opening in public as it's just us 5 each time. And it's not a lack of knowing how to act as very very rarely they are delighted and that's also clear. They just have very open emotions.
We spend a lot of effort finding gifts. They are based on tips and interests. We ask for specific ideas but they won't provide them. They desperately want to be surprised. But the surprise is rarely enough.
It just feels like nitpicking out of control and it's so toxic. We debrief after and there are apologies and every year I hope it won't happen again but it does. Christmas too.
With another birthday looming I'm really anxious and would love tips from anyone going through similar or just some basic empathy.
They have given a steer on theme this time at least. We have followed it but I know the Goldilocks effect will kick in again and it'll be 'too this' and 'too that' and it's especially upsetting for their siblings too as we are all on eggshells every time and even worse when it's a sibling's gift to them that's so evicerated.
They aren't at all a diva or materialistic or fussy usually, there's just something about the build up and expectations of presents that gets them every time.
Would love some tips on how to mitigate it - for us and them, without blame or judgment though please. If you think I'm a crap parent just please don't reply. I get enough of that from my own insecurities. Thanks!