Does this sound like ASD, or something else? 4 year old boy.

[Letnomanstealyourthyme]

I've always felt my son was a bit different, but as he's getting older it seems more stark. I'm wondering if he's a regular quirky kid, or if he's neurodivergent. Things he does include:

• noise sensitivity - he hates clapping, cheering, loud laughter (will frequently tell people off for laughing too loudly :( )
• hyperfocus - he will play with one thing for hours at a time, totally absorbed in it, doing repetitive play. E.g. pushing one toy vehicle around the floor.
• intense interests in random things, e.g. batteries, electricity, electric cars!
• is happiest playing alone, although will rub along okay with friends and take part in games.
• hugely prefers talking to adults to talking to other children.
• hates birthday parties, particularly the happy birthday song (I think as it precludes loads of noise).
• doesn't really do imaginary play, unless the 'imagining' is me pretending to be one of his favourite characters and allowing him to talk to me about one of his intense interests.
• has parasomnia - he sleeps so incredibly deeply that we can carry him around, hoover, get him into his pyjamas, without waking him up. However also has night terrors etc.
• is almost unnaturally 'good' and never deliberately naughty or cheeky. Follows rules religiously.
• has never settled properly at any childcare setting - just wants to be at home with me.

However, he doesn't have any other sensory stuff. He doesn't stim. No tiptoe walking, hand flapping. He doesn't seem to have a problem 'reading' people, especially adults.

I've read about 'highly sensitive' children and this seems to fit him, but is this just a slightly precious way of saying someone's on the spectrum?

A lot of what you've written is very similar to my DS. He's 13 now and has ASD. He also hates people laughing/singing etc too loudly. I think it's a combination of the unpredictable/unexpected nature of noises like that plus the volume. My DS wants to be 'perfect' all the time and gets very tearful if he thinks he's done anything 'wrong'.
He is also really good at 'reading' adults. They are much more 'predictable' than children.

So much of what you've written could indicate a referral for an assessment. A diagnosis of autism can be quite a balanced decision - this is why it's usually undertaken by at least two specialist assessors.

The wait for an assessment is very long - around 3 years now where I am. I would say there's no harm exploring it - you can always take him off any waitlist at any time.
It could be that he is a 'quirky, quiet' kid. If he does have autism though, his difficulties with peer interaction/learning may become more apparent as he gets older so I would always say it's worth exploring a possible diagnosis.

What has his school/nursery said? Have they ever raised any concerns?

Have you seen the M-chat test? It's for younger DC but it's a good indicator of the sort of thing to 'look out for' - and the sort of thing assessors will ask you about.

Thanks so much, @Toomanyminifigs . That's really helpful. I think getting him on the waitlist is a good idea, and, like you said, we can always take him off it.

His pre-school settings haven't mentioned autism per se - but one suggested ear defenders as he was so bothered by the noise of other children, and another setting mentioned his repetitive play etc. He had support for delayed speech when he was 2-3 years old. Looking back, I have a feeling some of the staff were hinting at ASD and hoping we'd work it out ourselves.

Honestly, I think I've been in denial about it, thinking 'he's just introverted', 'he's just sensitive', 'he's just quirky'... 'he doesn't need a label', etc. But he's starting school in a month's time and it's all coming to a head. I'm so anxious about how he's going to cope, and it's prompted me to stop making excuses as to why it couldn't be ASD.

Is it normal to feel sad? I know he may not be diagnosed - and if he is, it won't change who he is, he's still my same lovely boy. But I feel very sad about it.

Oops, hit post too soon.

How is your DS, @Toomanyminifigs ? 13 is a tough age to be even without ASD. I hope he's happy and thriving.

It's completely understandable to feel sad and to grieve for what you thought your and your DS's life was going to be like. When my DS was diagnosed, my DH cried at the appointment. Even though it was completely obvious that my DS was autistic from around 18 months old, there's still that part of you that has a bit of hope until the consultant says the words.

I like to think that things are better for neuro divergent people nowadays though. My DS knows about his diagnosis and is very eloquent when talking about the difficulties it brings - but he also sees that for him, it also brings some strengths. (He's able to be hyper focused, retain huge amounts of information about specialised subjects etc.)

For my DS, getting a diagnosis was really important. It allowed him to understand why he found some things so difficult. It also allowed him to access certain help such as Autism Outreach who came into his school and worked with him and his teachers.

I would try not to think of any diagnosis as a 'label': you label parcels, not people! Does someone with diabetes have a 'label'? With or without a diagnosis, a person with autism will have the exact same difficulties.

If your DS does get a diagnosis, some councils run support groups for parents which can be really helpful. I have several friends now who have DC on the spectrum and for me, it's a lifeline. I still find it quite hard at times to see the gulf between my DS and other 13 year olds. It's more on the social side of things though, academically, my DS is quite able. In fact in some subjects, he's working two years ahead.

It's very early days in your and your DS's journey. As you say, he is still the exact same lovely boy and always will be.