4.5 year old and toilet disasters

[Completelyuseless]

I am tired and feel completely useless at this point. I'm disabled with a long term condition that is getting worse. I can barely get around my house most days and struggle with my mobility (no more than 20m and in excruciating pain). All relevant background.

DS is 4 and full of beans. He is being assesed for ASD and which tbh is a formality. We have had struggles with potty training on and off since he was 2 with little luck and finally in January everything clicked and he only wears nappies at night.

The speech has improved and was a big part in the stops and starts as he simply wouldnt ask for help or say he needed the toilet. Which is the problem now as he wont ask will slip away to the toilet and when looking for him I will find him. It is fine for wees but BM have been a struggle.

He wont ask for help, may miss the toilet them try and put it in himself and the result is poo on every surface. I bleach down the bathroom 4 times a week at least. I stepped in shit and almost fell over last time. He wont ask fpr help wiping or when he needs to go and short of following him everywhere I cant stop this.

He starts school in September and Im terrified he will do this at school though nothing of the sort has happened at nursery. How do I fix this in 4 weeks? It's just happened again poo all over the toilet on the side, down the walls, the floor the toilet holder everywhere, down the bath where he tried to wash his hands and put his clothes in to soak (he copies what I do instead of calling me). I'm missing nappies at this point.

Is this normal? He just refuses to tell me, alert me, ask for help and is so good at slipping away while I am cooking or think he is in his room playing, and my disability means by the time Ive boticed and headed to the bathroom its too late.

Please help. I feel utterly useless and like the worst mum and all the teachers will hate him and blame me for being such a terrible parent and none of the kids will want to play with him.

What about an alarm on the bathroom door?

You could request a referral to the continence service.

Have you spoken to the school?

No I will ask about the continence clinic. I did tell the school he does need additional help and prompting with toileting but I will explain further to them.

I will also look for an alarm I can easily install on the door.

Thank you for the reply.

In some areas, you can self refer to the continence service.

Thank you. I have done this now as thankfully I can self refer

Try learning the Makaton sign for toilet. Maybe he would sign it if he won't vocalise. Or use a communication card.

If he's copying you with his attempts to clean up i personally would be using the toilet with the door open myself loudly narrating "check I'm sitting properly so the poo goes in the toilet" "check my hands don't have poo on before touching things"

Lastly have you heard of interoception. If not have a google. He may not be realising he needs to poop till very last second and then not having time to tackle it properly

Thank you purplebugz. I have always demonstrated using the toilet but not with instructions like that. I will try this approach along with signing and a communication card.

I will also ask the continence clinic about strategies for tackling interoception.