What school?

[Emeraldrings]

My 3year old has possibly got autism. He is non verbal, he did have limited language but has regressed since then. He isn't potty trained he won't sit on the potty or toilet. Physically he is behind. Socially he is behind. He will allow children to play near him but not really with him. He also rarely makes eye contact. Loud noises including other children crying makes him cry. He struggles with circle time and often lies on the floor waving his hands and feet around.
Senco at nursery is aware and tries her best but there are a lot of SEN children within the nursery. We are under paediatric doctor who says he's been referred for hearing test and SALT but we've been waiting for 6 months. I know there is a long waiting list but his regression is worrying me.
Next September he will be starting school so we have to start looking at schools this September but I don't know what to do. Without sounding horrible, I hope I don't I'm not sure he'd met the criteria for a specialist school but also don't think he'd cope in mainstream, maybe with a 1:1 if that's still a thing.
How the hell do you decide what route to take school wise? I obviously have support from nursery and doctor but I actually don't feel supported. I feel alone and sad. I'm tired because my son doesn't sleep well.
Does this make sense? I also have two older children. DD2 is autistic but she wasn't diagnosed until she was 10 and her autism seems very different (she attends mainstream school and speech is fine ).
I suppose my main worry is school. Anyone been in a similar situation? What did you do?

I completely understand, at the same age I thought my ds would have no chance of mainstream school. Is your ds summer born if so you could defer a year... mine was November but he needed those extra months in nursery (he potty trained at 4 and his speech improved).
Do you have a SALT involved and are nursery being supported by the local authority SEN team? What you will need for school either way is an EHCP approach nursery on that asap, of they refuse you should apply yourself but there is clear need here the local authority should assess.
Our story was the Sept the year before school we met with nursery, SALT and the local authority SENDCo, we started the EHCP process then, nursery did all the hard work with the evidence they had of needs.... at this meeting I brought up my concern around mainstream v specialist provision (including mainstream with units for SEN pupils). The consensus was my ds would thrive at the school we had intended him to go to as long as he had support so we went that way.
I hope that helps... the mainstream setting he is at is very inclusive and they pride themselves on that so that definitely helps, I would be trying to speak to the school sendco and asking about their approach and other pupils with needs. Reception went well for us (1:1 for half days which is increasing to full time this year) I take it a step at a time though if through the years he starts to struggle or we lose progress I would move him... whatever suits him best.

The first question is, does DS have an EHCP? If not, you should request an EHCNA. IPSEA has a model letter you can use.

Without an EHCP, DS won’t be able to attend a special school and in mainstream is highly unlikely to be given full-time 1:1 long term. Admissions will also be via the normal admissions procedures, so you will be more limited to what schools you can get a place at.

An EHCP can provide SALT and OT without sitting on the normal waiting lists.