ASD and hitting

[Struggling95]

DS is 3 and recently got an autism diagnosis. He is non verbal and doesn’t understand what I say to him or instructions. The most challenging part is the constant hitting, biting, pinching, scratching and sometimes head butting. I love him to bits but it’s getting unbearable. I am covered in bruises and scratches and had a lump on my forehead a few weeks ago where he head butted me. I have tried disciplining him but nothing works. I don’t know what could with a child that can’t understand you. I’m just so fed up, things are just getting worse. He has also recently started taking all his clothes off, even his nappy and a few times now he has weed and pooed on the carpet. I am literally getting him back dressed several times a day just for him to take everything off again. It’s so tough☹️

Things must seem really tough right now. As you learn more about his needs especially his sensory differences things should start to slowly improve.
Do you have access to Early Bird in your area? This would improve your knowledge and either face to face or virtual you would meet other parents to share experiences and strategies.
Look at the Local Offer for SEN in your area to see what is available.

Best advice right now is pick your battles. As long as he’s warm enough I wouldn’t battle to get clothes back on at home.
Have you got advice from SALT? Using any symbols or objects of reference to aid communication?

Keeping some notes of what he does when might enable you to see patterns. Unwanted behaviour is usually is an attempt at communication. He might not be able to tolerate the feeling of seams, labels or buttons for example.
Research SPD and look at The Out of Synch Child has fun. Lots of practical suggestions.
Our daughter ( diagnosed age 3) couldn’t tolerate buttons and would fight me if I tried to dress her in clothes with buttons.

As well as picking battles don’t try to tackle everything at once. Try to decide what is causing the most difficulty for you or him and try to address that.
I have lots of experience both personally and professionally. Feel free to PM

Has DS had OT and SALT assessments? Do you have sensory toys at home? This booklet has some good starting points for sensory behaviours. Some people find Ross Greene’s book The Explosive Child helpful.

@Relaxinghammock
Excellent recommendation, sensory booklet, forgot about that one

My Ds was non verbal till nearly 9. He didn't respond to his own name until he was 6. He's still only has around 50 words as a teenager (they need significant interpretation but we know what he is saying) so I very much understand your frustration.

Behaviour is communication, he's frustrated and is communicating this to you in the only way he knows how. What you need to do is figure out a way for him to communicate his needs. Do you have salt involved? I appreciate they aren't always very usual for non verbal children.

Things improved for us once we had an alternative communication method in place. The challenge is finding what works for your Ds. For us that was high tech aac for others pecs, object to reference, makaton, podd etc. Most of ds's needs are still communicated via his aac, it's something we are constantly working to expand. His behaviour drastically improved once we had tools in place to teach him to communicate in a way that was accessible to him. He displayed and still occasionally does display all of the behaviours you have listed. Thankfully they are now just a once in a blue moon, mainly with those who don't respect his communication needs. Of course you firmly say no and redirect but the route of the issue needs to be dealt with to help improve the situation. Most behaviour we have dealt with has been from needs at the time we weren't meeting.

As for the clothes. Is he doing this when upset or is it more of a sensory not liking certain clothes issue? We've had both, Ds will only wear jogging bottoms, hates buttons and certain materials. He chooses his own clothes these days. It literally could be anything that is bothering your Ds from texture to labels etc.

When in major meltdown in the past he has been known to strip all of his clothes off due to being so distressed.

Just to answer a few questions, hopefully I answer them all…I am waiting for a date to start the more than words course. It all started when he was around 18 months when I noticed he had never pointed or spoke a word. I got in touch with the hv and she referred me to salt. I had an appointment, then received a report stating he struggles with speech, social communication skills, understanding and listening and attention. Then from that I got a diagnosis and an invite to the more than words. It’s all very confusing and I’m completely new to it all but hopefully this course can help me understand more.

Regarding the clothes, I’m not sure why he does it. To me it’s just like he doesn’t like wearing them. It’s not in a pattern such as him being upset etc.

I feel totally useless but as I said I hope the course can help

Keeping a detailed diary as @24Dogcuddler mentioned will help you spot triggers even if they don’t seem obvious.

Has an EHCNA been requested?

Scope offer mentoring to parents of DC who have been diagnosed in the last year.

Two more thoughts - is portage available where you are? Runs up to 5 and people say it can be life changing.

Is there a local parents of autistic kids group? If so, it'll be on facebook. Again, might help.

Sorry can't be more use.