Possible ADHD? Problems with violence

[Steffie06]

My son will be 8 in November. I’m really struggling with his behaviour but I’m struggling to get help as I think he’s masking it in school.
As soon as he comes out of school he starts to get angry most days so he will shout and swear at me. He will hit his sister a lot too. Sometimes I struggle to get him to go to school and if I try and help him get ready he will hit, kick and pinch me. He’s very fidgety in general can’t keep still at all, can’t concentrate for long periods of time and gets bored super easily. He won’t do anything by himself I need to help him with everything i still have to take him to the toilet or he won’t go, some days he comes out of school and I ask him if he needs the toilet and he says no then wets himself on the way home from school. He got referred to the educational psychologist when I kept pushing school but it’s come back as there’s not much concern but then I got his school report and he’s behind in everything has to go into the year below him to do his phonics and he dosnt work well in whole class tasks and need prompting from a teacher to keep him on task when he’s working alone. Yesterday I struggled to make tea because of how aggressive he was being and me and my husband were both trying to calm him down. Today I couldn’t even get him to his swimming lesson I have a struggle with that every week normally manage to get him to go but it takes me 40 minutes.
Has anyone else’s child been like this? What have they been diagnosed with it anything? Does anyone have any ideas of strategies I may not have tried?
any help will be appreciated

Appearing to ‘cope’ at school and exploding at home is called the coke bottle effect.

What support is the school providing? Does DS have an EHCP? If school was easier and DS’s needs better met home life is likely to improve too.

Do you allow time for DS to decompress after school? Do you have sensory toys? Do you have a garden/trampoline?

Some people find Ross Greene’s book The Explosive Child and Yvonne Newbold’s resources helpful.

Not getting much from school at all no he doesn’t have a EHCP he got referred to the educational psychologist but they said there wasn’t much concern and that was that. Most of the time he starts before we even get home it is then hard to calm him down. I always try and have a snack ready as I’ve notice hunger can also make it worse when he’s coming out of school but the last few weeks have been worse than ever. Yes we have sensory toys and a garden and trampoline but everything I seem to suggest is apparently boring. I brought some kinetic sand he played with that for about a week and he’s not gone back to it again. The only thing he keeps going back to is bouncing a ball up the stairs and in the hall way. I wish he could find something more quite lol the noise of it all the time is rather draining when I’m trying to keep calm not matter how challenging he is as anything in the slightest bit negative and he blows. Even if I tell his sister off for something he will then shout at me. I’ll have a look at that book thank you 😊

The school should be providing support. Things like picking up/dropping off 5/10mins early/late from a quieter entrance, movement sensory breaks, wobble board, emotional literacy support, Zones of Regulation work…

You should request an EHCNA yourself, IPSEA has a model letter you can use.

I’ve had a look at the model letter thank you, I’m unsure if I would get this though as like I said the educational psychologist has said there isn’t really any concern so I have no evidence to back anything up. The only thing I have is his school report that says things like sometimes his first answer shows he hasn’t understood the question directed at him with support he can work through his idea and a adult will help him make sense of those things. It also mentions his fine and gross motor skills e.g his handwriting style is immature because of this and that in whole group situations he tends to loose focus and concentration and doesn't listen well. It then says he responds well to small adult lead sessions within the class this has helped to keep him on task and to build his confidence. With plenty of positive praise and encouragement he is willing to have a go independently. When left independently he may answer a few questions but often needs coaxing back to the task. I’m unsure if that would be enough evidence if the Ed psychologist hasn’t got any concerns 🤷‍♀️

Personally, I think you should apply. The EP should incredibly poor. DS is clearly masking and experiencing the coke-bottle effect. You may have to appeal and seek independent reports, many do, but I think you could secure an EHCP.

The point of requesting the EHCP is they do a set of assessments which should evidence any needs that are there. Believe me, all of us have heard "he/she wouldn't get one". It's usually wrong!

It says this on the model letter - List the SEN already identified by school/college and provide any supporting evidence – for example reports from school/college or professionals. You can also add any other needs that you think your child has which have not yet been identified by your school/college.]
But the school haven't identified anything so how would I go about it? I also don’t have any supporting evidence?
When I first raised concerns with school at least a year ago they sent me on a parenting course 123 magic after that nothing until I mentioned it to them again as the method did nothing for us about a month ago she took it to the educational psychologist who has come back with there’s not much concern so it went no further again, I spoke to her last week again as obviously I’m still having problems at home as I think he has ADHD I struggle to get him to school some days and twice I have actually took him to school in him pyjamas hoping they would see I’m trying to push for them to refer him to community paediatric.
The only thing he has in place at school is something called a first concerns thing as he was having toileting issues and also struggled in unstructured time (lunch time) where he would often be found fighting with his friends. From his report it mentions he’s better in small adult lead sessions but I’m worried as he’s going upto year 3 in September and I doubt he will get that if there is nothing in place for him

OP, could you possibly afford a private assessment? That's what we had to do although the circumstances were different - 2020 and everything was closed (which is, of course why there's a backlog now).

The school must have identified SEN. Otherwise they wouldn’t have referred to the EP, arranged phonics with the year below, social difficulties tell you DS loses concentration, highlight fine and gross motor difficulties, say DS requires support to understand what is asked of him, works in a small group... Then there’s the coke bottle effect you are experiencing.

In order to evidence this, you could submit a SAR to the school. Have you spoken to the GP? You could use medical evidence, via a SAR if necessary. Have you been following up verbal conversations with emails? You can use them as evidence. Ultimately, you may have to appeal and seek independent assessments, but DS certainly meets the low threshold for an EHCNA.

I did have a look into it but from what I could gather if I got the assessment privately if he were to need medication for example that would also need to be paid for privately and that’s where it would get unaffordable. How did you find getting a private assessment?

I havnt actually been to the GP as I was told it was only the school that could refer me I could take him to the GP though if it would help. How do you go about seeking independent assessments?

Hi OP, I don't think that's true about once private, always private - there's such a backlog everywhere that local authorities are having to use private providers themselves. Our occupational therapy for EHCP was done by a private provider subcontractor for example, and our GP prescribes the medication that was originally prescribed at the private assessment. We also saw an NHS paediatrician finally this year and he said the private assessment was excellent quality and he was happy to accept it.

The best way to get recommendations would be to find a local/regional Facebook group for parents. Google "your local authority name" and "local offer" and you should find some leads.

The system for obtaining an ADHD assessment seems to vary from area to area (here it's definitely via GP not school) but the GP ought to know. Although I found I knew more than ours did - I could hear them writing notes!!

It is worth speaking to the GP even if they can’t refer for an ADHD assessment. Independent assessments are sought via the professionals themselves. If you search MN/start a thread, ask around, speak to charities you will get recommendations.