SEN 7 year old son not coping at mainstream school

[Levi1982]

Sending this message through pure worry and struggle of knowing what to do for the best of my son. At present my son who is nearly seven has undiagnosed ASD and ADHA, he currently goes to a mainstream school that can no longer meet his needs. I might add that this is the second mainstream he has attended with in between a short stay provision while his EHPC was being done. It was eventually given with 1to 1 support. He has struggles in emotional regulation and as a result he can show in meltdowns and dangerous behaviours more often that not, usually due to work refusal. He is either sent home or gets a fixed term exclusion. Sending my son to school every day is like sending him to to the lions den and is breaking the both of us, but more importantly him his confidence, self esteem and belief in himself is majorly effected. I want to take him out until a More specialist provision is found for him, but he loves the social aspect of school and doesn’t want to leave his friends but he does not present with these dangerous behaviours at home. What’s worse is the local authority has not responded to many emails and calls from myself and the school, which means we can’t even get the ball rolling at this point. What’s more it means he will have to definitely start back in year 3 in September. Not sure what the right thing is to do, please would appreciate some advice
Thank you in advance isha

Have you formally requested an early review of the EHCP in order for it to be amended to better meet DS’s needs?

Don’t deregister and EHE. Parents often find it easier to get support when they remain on the school’s roll until alternative arrangements can be made/the EHCP amended even if they can’t attend. If DS can’t attend school the LA must provide alternative arrangements to ensure DS receives a suitable, full-time education and everything specified and quantified in F of the EHCP. Whereas, if you EHE the LA will say you are making suitable alternative arrangements thereby relieving them of their duty.

He is either sent home or gets a fixed term exclusion.

The school should not be sending DS home without suspending/excluding him. Sending him home otherwise is an informal, unlawful exclusion. You need to refuse to collect unless formally suspended/excluded.

@Relaxinghammock
We only just had a review at about the same time as meeting to tell us they can no longer meet his needs.
The school he currently attends do not have a sensory room or anywhere my son could work quietly. He finds the classroom to overwhelming and finds it hard to focus or concentrate.

The thing is we know that he would find a setting with smaller class sizes easier, he always tells us the the work is too hard. He also knows and feels different from his peers and they are better at the work than he is, he’s slowly losing his confidence.

my partner says the same don’t pick him up but I just can’t sit in the thought of him being distressed.

Following the review, if the LA does not amend the EHCP to better meet DS’s needs you will be able to appeal. Make sure the LA sticks to the timescales following the AR.

@Relaxinghammock
Thank you for your advice I have a meeting on Friday with the school, will see how it goes.

I would write a list of questions for the meeting. There should be a parent support service in the LA for parents of children with additional needs. May be too short notice for them to attend but they might give advice.

If school did have a sensory room that would be used for relaxation or helping to regulate his sensory systems. They could have some items in a large bag to use though according to need.
The staffroom, a corridor or outdoor learning at this time of year would be options for quiet or small group learning.

It doesn’t sound like he shouldn’t just be in the classroom all the time. Did the short stay provision send strategies or a teacher to advise? Are they following suggested targets and strategies in his EHCP?

He should probably have a timetable, symbols, individualised behaviour/ reward system in place. Difficult without knowing him. No one size fits all.
Are they using timers? Setting achievable challenges?

Learning should be individual, multi-sensory and chunked e.g. 5 minutes directed learning 10 minute movement break/ time with a favoured activity
Time sat still listening with the whole class should be limited.

Are instructions and expectations clear? Does he have fidgets or any other recommended supports such as a wobble cushion?

Good luck this time of year in school is notoriously difficult for children with additional needs.

Sounds like my son, we moved him to a specialist school.

I forced the situation by doing the research, finding a school that I felt was right for him (he attends a school which follows the national curriculum but in an adapted setting and with very small classes) and sending him there and basically sending the bill to the local authority.

They also weren't taking my calls, stalling for time, trying to find different mainstream schools and I was sick of waiting for them.

Best thing we ever did.

Son loves his specialist school where the other kids are all like him basically (ASD but high functioning). The social side has been fine. There's nothing to stop your son staying in touch with his old mates as well as making new ones if you move him to a school more suitable.