My brothers opinion of my daughters issues

[pimplebum]

Long term difficult relationship with my brother , he puts me down and I'm struggling to think of any compliment he has ever pain me in last 43 years
Recently plucked up confidence to tell him we are at the end of a 10 year long struggle for EHCP ( due in a few weeks !')
He knows about most of her medical problems as he did come to hospital when she was first admitted 8 years ago ,

He has now on two occasions totally ridiculed the latest up date of a possible ASD diagnosis ( we are not really perusing it as we get max support just on her medical needs alone . For some reason The ASD has really broken me as she has so many other issues I literally can not deal with that on top of everything else ( and puberty )
Basically he suggested that we are all autistic going by my description of her issues and that if I basically parented just like him we wouldn't be having any of these issues

I know he is a giant cock wobble and I often go low contact with him due to his personality and things he says

Just can't shake the. Feeling that he is right and that I am a bad mum who could have done more. ( my head screams are you fucking crazy to entertain that thought ) my heart is sad that my only living relative sees me as " one of those mums who excuses their child weirdness but it's really just lack of good parenting

Why could he not realise that when I told him the latest update in a casual easy breezy way my fucking heart was breaking for the umpteenth time in last long , long 10 fucking years

Having to deal with his frankly hideous views at a time when you need support must be crushing.

I know what you want and need from this relationship and it'a ok to feel upset and hurt.

If you can get Counselling I would really recommend it. You have everything that you've been through with your DD and everything that's to come and a difficult relationship with your "D"B. I hope you find someone who can help you

Thank you for such a kind - rand my only reply! 😘! I thought there would be more SEN mums on here

I needed to vent and cry
For the loss of my normal baby / 10 year old that I dearly wanted and for my brother ( who ironically is screamingly autistic but wold never never accept any imperfection

Thanks for your time and yes , counselling is definitely on the cards / when I have time

There are a few more SEN MNers on here but most of them aren't in this not, there's a whole section for SEN

Oops I thought I was posting in SEN

I'm shit at tech as well as being a crap mum 🤪

You are, it's confusing but if you go into the main menu there's a whole SN Section

I feel your pain @pimplebum , my brother has come up with a number of gems over the years, my personal favourite being that he doesn't believe in labeling people, said to me, mum of DS with ASD. Another good one was telling me the reason my nephew left the local cub group was because it was so disrupted when my son joined. This I spoke privately to cub leaders about as I was mortified and wanted to check if hey were having problems with DS, they told me he was good as gold and no different from any of the others there! It's so hurtful, it's like he, and more so my SIL go out of their way to offend. I tell them nothing now, only passing pleasantries, sadly I can't convince my parents to do the same so they still find stuff out. Hope you're ok.

Thanks ElvenDreamer
Yes my brother said something along the lines of " it's not necessary to label children " clearly someone who has never been through the EHCP journey and desperately needed the funding

Funnily enough I would agree with him that in an ideal world, every child would be accepted for their uniqueness and automatically get all the help they need

I've also been told "but are you sitting down with her everyday after school and doing work ? Really are you ( questioning stare).
Honest answer is we have taken a break from forcing her to read every evening because the traumatic meltdowns were destroying everyone's mental health .... I just nodded and said " of course we are "
He has a very ridged schedule of routine activities - 30 mins of reading 30 min of French homework then 10 mins only exactly on the ipad but his kids are naturally extremely bright and hardly need all the pressure he puts in them

I think all you can honestly do in those sorts of situations is have a little workd you retreat to inside your head while they're talking so you're not actively listening and then change the subject.

Better to find a group of like minded Mums for support. We have a messenger group set up at our school (we set it up ourselves) which is really helpful for both venting and celebrating with a small group of people who really get it!